July 12, 1960

Last night something happened to me that I found quite amusing. I was awakened by a Voice, or rather it roused me from one trance to put me into another. It happened at about 11 o'clock. Not a human Voice. I don't exactly recall its words any longer, but it had to do with the Ashram - its protection, its success, its power. And what was interesting was that when I woke up, I was in a state in which this formation that is the Ashram and the Force that is condensed here to realize what this Voice wanted, seemed a very tiny, tiny part of myself.

I heard the Voice and awoke with the feeling of this Power, this Light, this Force of realization concentrated here which sets everything in motion (as always, it is always the same, a Power in motion). It was a dazzling white light. But then, what I found funny was that there I was, quite in my natural state, and this, the Ashram, was a tiny, tiny part of myself. And throughout the whole experience, it remained like that - a very tiny part of myself. Everything else was ... I can't say deconcentrated, but an entirely general, overall activity, as it normally is every night. And I saw the Ashram quite clearly - it was something special, made for special reasons, but whereas I seemed to have an immense body, that was very small, very small. It went on for an hour. That's what I found amusing; the other things just happen, and they may be interesting, but this was so spontaneous; I was watching it (I don't know where my head was), I was looking down from above ... so tiny, so tiny.

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What was me was up above, and the Ashram was ... It began just here (the navel) and went that way (downwards), and it was encircled, to show that it was a special formation - encircled in the inconscience of the terrestrial creation. And I was everything else, with the usual vibrations of power and light. And then one current and another current and another were passing into it, into this formation, and they kept going in and in and in, accumulating. They kept going in, and yet they did not come out, they did not leave. It was not an undulatory movement, but rather a pulsating movement - it had no beginning, it didn't go out, and yet it kept moving. It's very difficult to describe.

The formation represented by the Ashram was located approximately here, at the height of the navel in relation to what I was - but although the body was not delimited, it had certain attributes or undefined forms, each one of which was situated in relation to the other as though each represented one part of the body; each was symbolic of either an activity or a part of the world or a mode of manifestation. So the formation started from about here, near the navel, and went down towards the appendix ... Here, I'll draw you a sketch:

It's form was elongated, slanting downwards (it always has this form). At the top it looked like a head, then the lines disappeared down below. It had no openings. And then, it was surrounded by various dark sheaths, a very dark purple which is the color of protection. A sparkling light was entering into it - it kept entering, but without making any holes. It passed right through everything, through the purple - through everything. It passed through and entered inside, where there were sparklings of every color, like a cascade. There are always these cascades of force - similar to a

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cascading stream whose waters neither flow on nor disappear, but accumulate: an accumulation of energies, a condensation. And they accumulate without taking up any more space through a kind of compression. And inside, it's moving, vibrating, vibrating, vibrating, it keeps coming and coming - you don't know where it comes from, but it keeps coming and accumulating.

It was a force with a sparkling white light at its center, the light which is the force of the Divine Mother, and as soon as it was well packed and concentrated inside, or condensed, it took on all the colors - vibrations of every color ... Like a materialization - these colors were like a materialization of the Divine Force when it enters matter. (Just as matter is a condensation of energy, well, this seemed to be a condensation of Divine Force. That's really the impression it gave.)

It reminded me of tantric things. I have seen tantric formations and how forces are systematically separated by them - each vibration, each color. It's very interesting. They are all one, and yet each is distinct. That is, they are separated in order to be distinguished and for each one to be used individually. Each one represents a particular action for obtaining something in particular. This is the special knowledge the tantrics have, I believe. Or it's the reflection of their knowledge. And my impression is that when they do their pujas or say their mantras, what they are trying to do is recombine all that into the white light. I'm not sure. I know they use each one separately for a separate purpose, but when they speak of their puja 'succeeding,' it may mean that they have been able to recombine the light. But I say this very guardedly. For I would have to see X do his puja one day to really know - from afar I'm not so sure. It's merely an impression.

This is what I am constantly seeing now, but along with this Divine Force or this Divine Consciousness that Sri Aurobindo speaks of when he says, 'Mother's Force is with you.' When it comes, it is sparkling white, perfectly white and perfectly luminous. And as it accumulates inside, it makes living vibrations of every color. And it goes on and on and on. Sometimes it lasts half an hour, three-quarters of an hour, an hour - nothing goes out. And it keeps constantly entering. And it piles up. It's as if it is all being accumulated or compressed together.

So, the observing mind, the intelligence that watches, looked at all this - 'Ah, that's what it's like' (an intelligence that watches without interfering in the least). It's like a spectator talking to himself.

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So in my vision, my body was as big as the universe, and that (the Ashram) was so tiny, so tiny.

**

(Soon afterwards, regarding an old 'Question and Answer')

Heaven and hell are at once true and false. They exist and don't exist. I've seen various people go to heavens or hells after their death, and it's very difficult to make them understand that it is not real. Once it took me more than a year to convince someone that his so-called hell was not hell, and to get him out of it.

But there is something else - the psychological condition that you yourself create, the asuric hell you live in when you cultivate an asuric nature within you.

**

If no vibrations ever disappear, then what happens with all these horrible things coming from every corner of the world? Don't they pile up? Don't the bad vibrations take on a more and more enormous volume in the end?

They are transformed. And at times they are transformed almost immediately.

You can't see it or feel it till you concretely live the fact that all is divine, that HE is everywhere, in everything, always, in all that happens.

The first reaction is always a kind of shrinking before things which seem horrible, but if you can overcome that and really have the experience, everything changes.

And there are hundreds and hundreds of little experiences like that, like so many little stones marking the way. Then you see that the two things are ALWAYS together: the destructive and the constructive. You can't see one without seeing the other. A time comes when the effort is to conquer the negative parts of creation and death (as at the end of Savitri), and when you have conquered that, then you're above. And then if you look at all these things, even those which seem the most opposed to the Divine, even acts of cruelty done for the pleasure of cruelty, you see the Presence - the Presence that annuls their effects. And it's absolutely marvelous.

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I had a startling experience one day when X was doing his pujas to encircle the titans. He was in difficulty and I was about to intervene to help him when I was abruptly stopped. I was faced by a massive blackness (blacker than the blackest physical thing) and suddenly, right at its center, I saw the Divine Love shining with such a splendor - I had never seen it so splendid.

And now it has become constant; each time I hear or see something ugly or horrible, or each time something ugly or horrible happens, something which is a negation of the divine life ... just behind is this flame - so wonderful. And then the effect is annulled.

There is a magnificence of realization which could not have been had this evil, this horror and this negation not been.

Our consciousness shrinks from these things which belong to the past and which are no longer in their place, so we feel disgust and revulsion - because we are ignorant. But if we can raise ourselves above and be in contact with That - the supreme Light - which is ALWAYS just behind, then this Light seems all the more supreme because it is so much its own opposite.

Then you know.

You know, so there is no longer this uneasiness, this shrinking. You feel carried more and more by all that you reject; you are in a forward movement, further and further, higher, constantly further.

July 15, 1960

(Letter from Mother to Satprem)

7.15.6 0

My dear little one,

This is to tell you that I am seeing you more and more frequently during the night, and in the world where we meet together we have established a kind of companionship in work.

Although it is still in a region of the physical mind, it is a mind striving towards a luminous organization and clearly aspiring to rise towards the higher realms.

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And last night especially I had a very positive impression (a sort of feeling) that I can count on you.

We'll see what can be done for the 'manuscripts' on Sunday.

With all my tender affection.

Signed: Mother

July 18, 1960

Of course, we're dating all these old Questions and Answers, but not everyone pays attention to dates. How can those old ones be mixed with the present things which are on an altogether different plane?

There is an experience in which one is entirely outside of time - that is, ahead, behind, above, below, all these things are one and the same. And at the very moment the identification takes place, there is no longer any past, present or future. And really, it's the only way to know.

As the experiences unfold, these old Questions and Answers give me the feeling of someone circling outside a garden while describing what's inside it. But a day comes when you enter the garden, and then you know a little better what's inside. And I'm starting to enter. I'm starting.

July 23, 1960

Something interesting happened last night exactly between ten and eleven. I was in some kind of vehicle. I didn't see the vehicle but I was in it. Someone in front of me was driving, though I could only see his back; I didn't bother about who it was - he was simply the one meant to do it.

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It was as if the doors of destruction had been flung open. Floods - floods as vast as an ocean - were rushing down onto ... something ... the earth? A formidable current pouring down at an insane speed, with an unstoppable power. It was brackish water - not transparent, but brackish. And it was imperative to reach a certain spot BEFORE the water. Had the water reached there ahead of me, nothing could have been done. Whereas if I got there first (I say 'I', but it was not I with this body), if I got to the other side before the water, I would be completely safe; and from this safe position, I would be able, I would have a chance to help those left behind.

And this vehicle was going faster than the flood (I saw and felt it by its motion) - a formidable flood, but the vehicle was going still faster. It was so wonderful. In places there were some especially difficult and dangerous spots, but I ALWAYS got there before the water, just before the water barred the way. And we kept going and going and going. Then, with a final effort (there was no effort, really, it was willed), with a final push, we made it to the other side - and the water came rushing just behind! It rushed down at a fantastic speed. We had made it. Then, just on the other side, it changed color. It was ... it changed in color to a predominant blue, this powerful blue which is the force, the organizing force in the most material world. So there we were, and the vehicle stopped. And then, after having been looking straight ahead the whole time we were speeding along, I turned around and said, 'Ah, now I can start helping those who are behind.'

Here, I'll draw you a little sketch:

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The water was flowing off towards the right. From time to time there were these fissured dips or depressions along the vehicle's path where the water rushed through, and in fact it must have rushed through each one just as soon as I had sped past. It was most dangerous, for if you had reached there a second too late, the water would already have flooded in and you would no longer have been able to get across; it was such that with even only a few drops, you would no longer get across. Not that they were very wide, but ... And the water was pouring in ('pouring in' ... our words are very small), it was pouring in, and I could see it ahead, but then the vehicle would arrive at full speed and instead of stopping, in a wild roller coaster-like movement it would plunge through, vroom! - just in time, exactly like a roller coaster. I always arrived just in time to get through. And then again the same thing, broken here and there (in this way there were many fissures, though I've only drawn two; there were quite a few, five or six at least), and again we would dart across, then race on until we would reach the spot where I have drawn the water turning.

Right at the end, there was a place where the water had to turn to run down - this was the Great Passage. If you got caught in that, it was all over. You had to reach this spot and cross over before the water came. It was the only place you could get across. Then a last plunge, and like an arrow shot from a bow, full speed ahead, I crossed over and there I was.

And once on the other side, without even a rise in ground level (I don't know why), it was immediately safe. And the current went on and on, waves upon waves, on and on, as far as the eye could see, but it was canalized here at the Great Turning; and as soon as it went past this point, the inundation was total, it spread out over something ... over the earth. And the current turned - it turned - but I was already on the other side. And down below, everything was finished, the water rushed down everywhere. Only, as soon as I was on the other side, it could not touch me - the water could not get across, it was stopped by something invisible, and it turned away.

Moreover, it seemed that everything had already been prepared, as if the way had been made to divert the water.

There, down below me, below the vehicle, I had the impression that it was the earth, it really seemed like the earth, and the water was rushing down towards it.

The vehicle's path was not on earth, but up above (probably in interstellar regions!), a special path for this vehicle. And I didn't

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know where the water was coming from; I couldn't see its origin, which was off beyond the horizon. But it came raging down in torrents - not precipitously like a waterfall, but rather like a rushing torrent. My path passed between the torrents of water and the earth below. And I saw the water before me, everywhere, in front and behind - it was so extraordinary, for it looked like ... it was everywhere, you see, except along my path (and even then, there was some seepage). Water speeding everywhere. But there was a kind of conscious will in this onrush, and I had to reach the Great Passage before this conscious will. This water resembled something physical, but there was a consciousness, a conscious will, and I had to ... it was like a battle between the will I represented and that will. And I passed each fissure just in time. Only when I reached the Great Turning did I see the will that impelled this water. And I reached there just before it. And passed through at a fantastic speed - like lightning. Even time ceased ... I crossed over like a flash of lightning. And then, suddenly, respite - and it was blue. A square.

At the time, I didn't know what it all meant. Then this morning, I thought, 'It must have something to do with the world situation.'

It had all the dimensions of something almost ... the earth seemed small in comparison, you see. It was similar to what happens here when water is unleashed on earth, during floods for instance, but on a much greater scale.

What was pleasing, and really quite interesting, was this tremendous speed, like an arrow, and I always arrived in time, just in time, just in time. Once I had crossed over to the other side (I clearly felt that nothing would be left, for it was such a powerful deluge), the danger was finished, there was no longer ANY possibility at all of being touched - this was the main feeling. Everything was stopped. Nothing could touch.

I turned around and saw all this water rushing down, and I thought, 'Now let's see if we can do something here.' There was someone behind who interested me, someone or something - it was still something; it was very likable and had something of the blue color that was here on the other side. Not really individuals, but more like beings representative of something that was following me quite closely. When I was there, it also was there, but it could not keep up, it kept losing ground - as my speed increased, its decreased. It could not keep up. But it interested me in a special way. 'Oh, he's so close (he or it); he might just make it,'

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 I thought. And at that moment, I saw that all this destructive will with its instrument of water, symbolically water, had rushed past and was spreading out everywhere. But there was still a chance of saving all those who were along this path. And that's immediately what I thought of, it was my first wish: 'Let's see if they can still get across, if I can manage to get them across.' I remembered some especially dangerous spots (while speeding past, I had remarked, 'Oh, here we might still be able to do this, there that could still be done' - my consciousness moved at the same speed, and I noted everything along the way), and once I was firmly there on the other side, I started sending back messages.

Down below, the water was having a grand time; it was ... it was hopeless. But here, along this path, there was still a hope, even ... even after the water had passed; I probably had a certain power at my disposal to help others cross these fissured places. But because I woke up, I didn't see what it was. So that stopped everything. Probably because I woke up rather abruptly, I could not see what it meant.

All this is a translation in human language, actually, because really it was ...

And it happened quite early in the night - at such an early hour, they are not visions or things you observe: they are things you do.

I've been seeing for a long time that nights are actions. They are no longer images or symbols or representations - they are all actions. And they take place certainly not on a human scale.

Does that indicate war?

I don't feel any war.

S.M came the other day ... He's quite informed about events as only the government knows them. He brings me government news - not what they feed to the public. It doesn't look good. But as he has confidence, he wanted to know (so much confidence that he goes and tells Nehru and others, 'Oh, Mother said this, Mother said that.' And it turns out true, fortunately!). So after describing things at some length, he asked my opinion.

Logically, according to reason, war seems unavoidable. But as he asked, I looked - I looked at my nights, precisely, as well as other things. And then I said, 'I don't feel it. I don't feel any war.'

And again this morning, when I looked at this vision, I asked myself, 'Will there be war?' - I don't feel it will be like that ... It may be worse.

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You see, it didn't seem human.

I remember wandering about one night some time ago. It's no longer very clear, but one thing has remained - I had gone out of India, and then when I returned to India, I found huge elephants installed EVERYWHERE - enormous elephants. At that time I was not at all aware that the Communists in India had adopted the elephant as their symbol; I only learned that later. 'What does this mean,' I said to myself. 'Does it signify the Indian army?' But they did not resemble war elephants. These elephants were like immense mammoths, and they looked like they were settling down with all the power of a tremendous inertia. That was the impression - something heavy in an inert and very tamasic way, forever immovable. I did not like this occupation. When I came back, I had a rather painful feeling, and for several days I wondered if it did not mean war. Then by chance, in a conversation, I learned that the Communists had selected the elephant as their symbol whereas the Congress had chosen the bullock ... In my vision, I was moving (as I always do), I was moving among them, and nothing moved. And if I needed room, some of them even tried to stir a little.

But when human beings are involved, I believe that visions take on a special form - it's a special image. Not an inundation like this. That was very, very impersonal. They were forces. A feeling of floodgates bursting open, of something being held back, retained or prevented, then suddenly ...

The vehicle and the forward movement are the sadhana, beyond the shadow of a doubt. I understood that the speed of sadhana was greater than the speed of the forces of destruction. And it ended in certain victory, there is not a shadow of doubt. This feeling of POWER once I was firmly grounded there [in the 'square'], enough power to help others.

These were universal forces. I can't say it means war. I've foreseen many wars - widespread wars, local wars, so many wars - and up to now they have never been presented to me in that form. They've always come as a fire - flames, flames, the home burning. Not as an inundation.

A cataclysm?

Ah, that, we've already had some. From all around, people are proclaiming that in 1962, there will be ... some people have even foreseen the end of the earth, but that's foolish! For the earth was

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 built with a certain purpose, and before things are done, it will not disappear.

But there may be ... some changes.

(soon afterwards)

In fact, the Ashram's financial situation has never been so bad. We're living from day to day, minute to minute ... One day, it will crack - all these things are connected (Mother is alluding to the vision of the flood She has just described).

I myself am clearly seeing it from the other side; I see a black, muddy form - a black, black force. And I see the [Divine] Force acting on people and, miraculously, the money comes - and then ... it's like something armored' - it seeps in with difficulty, a thin trickle from day to day.

Provided the sadhana works, that's all that is needed.

And in fact, periodically, in one way or another, in one form or another, I receive a kind of assurance, a promise that it will all go well.

**

When I read what Sri Aurobindo writes in The Synthesis, how things should be and what they are now, when I see the two, that's when I feel we're turning in circles.

It's more and more a universal yoga - the whole earth - and it is like that day and night, when I walk and when I speak and when I eat. It's constantly like that. As if the whole earth were ... it's like kneading dough to make it rise.

But when I read his Yoga of Self-Perfection and see ... simply what we are ... phew! What yeast we would need to make all that rise!

But this is not true: HE alone is doing it, it's always He.

1. Mother means that the Ashramites themselves create the armor. See also X's reflections in an undated letter of May 1959.

And sometimes things stagnate, they seem so absolutely obscure and stupid. And then, if you simply go like this (gesture of offering), simply, truly - do it, not think it - it's instantly like a shower of bliss ... A tiny point, something very small which looks

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 stubbornly stupid and obstinate, if only you do this (and if you want, you can): 'Take, take!' Give it to Him, simply, like this, truly give it to Him: 'It's You, it's Yours, take it, do with it what You want.' And instantly, instead of this shrinking and this painful feeling - 'What in the world can I do with all this?' - a shower, it comes like a shower. Truly Ananda. Of course, if you are stupid enough to call back the difficulty, it returns. But if you remain quiet, if you keep your head quiet, it goes - finished, cured. But there are thousands and thousands and thousands of such points ...

With my japa, I've reached about seven lakhs'. I repeat it 1,400 times a day. But you must be much further than I!#

I don't see what effect it's having, in any case ...

No, but ... in the morning while walking, I see the difference. There is definitely a difference.

In the beginning, I said I'd do a crore,3 and if that were not enough, I'd do ten crore. And one crore will take ... 20 years!

We shall see.

This also is quite. enjoyable.

This feeling of something ... everlasting.4 It's enjoyable. Quiet ... like floating in eternity.

You reach a point where there is no more worry, neither for yourself nor for the world nor anything. When you reach that, you are always smiling, you are always happy. And when something happens, it doesn't matter, you look at it with a smile, forever a smile.

So there you are, my child.

1. One lakh = 100,000.

2. The disciple was doing about five hours of japa a day at this time, then later seven hours - until it cracked.

3. One crore = 10,000,000.

4. Original English.

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