{"id":1657,"date":"2013-07-13T01:36:18","date_gmt":"2013-07-13T01:36:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/?p=1657"},"modified":"2013-07-13T01:36:18","modified_gmt":"2013-07-13T01:36:18","slug":"33-inner-vicissitudes-and-difficulties-vol-35-letters-on-himself-and-the-ashram","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/01-works-of-sri-aurobindo\/03-cwsa\/35-letters-on-himself-and-the-ashram\/33-inner-vicissitudes-and-difficulties-vol-35-letters-on-himself-and-the-ashram","title":{"rendered":"-33_Inner Vicissitudes and Difficulties.htm"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\n\n
\n

\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\tSection Three <\/font> <\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\nSome Aspects of the Sadhana <\/font><\/b>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\nin Pondicherry  
\n   <\/font><\/b>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n 
\n<\/font><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n
\nInner Vicissitudes and Difficulties <\/font><\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nUndeterred by Difficulty
\n<\/b>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI suppose all spiritual or inner experiences can be denounced as merely subjective and delusive. But to the spiritual seeker even
\nthe smallest inner experience is a thing of value. I stand for the Truth I hold in me and I would still stand for it even if it had
\nno chance whatever of outward fulfilment in this life. I should go on with it even if all here abandoned and repudiated me and
\ndenounced it to the world as a delusion and a folly. I have never disguised from myself the difficulties of what I have undertaken,
\nit is not difficulties or the threat of failure that can deter me. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n7 April 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nOscillating or Up and Down Movement
\n<\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tMy inner condition is not quite a vacancy, but rather a sort of
\nstillness, with some mechanical movement of thought. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThat is to say, the Power is still working on the physical consciousness (the mechanical mind and the subconscient) to bring stillness there. Sometimes the stillness comes but not complete,
\nsometimes the mechanical mind reasserts itself. This oscillation usually takes place in a movement of the kind. Even if there is a
\nsudden or rapid transforming shock or downrush, there has to be some working out of this kind afterwards
\n\u2014  that at least has
\nalways been my experience. For most, however, there comes, first, this slow preparatory process.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n29 August 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe “failure” I speak of is a failure to respond in the right way when there is a particular pressure. This is a clear sign of
\nunfitness. The very first thing you wrote about me was that I was not prepared or ready for the sadhana.
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>371<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

I do not at all agree about the unfitness. When you came here first you were too raw still, but since then you have developed much
\nand, whatever difficulties may remain, it cannot be said that the ground is not there! I do not quite understand what you mean
\nby the pressure, but if you mean the pressure of the universal forces, sex, anger etc., it is always under that pressure that the
\nrecurrences occur. There is nothing new or peculiar in that which would justify a conclusion of individual unfitness. These things
\nhave also often a periodicity in them which helps them to recur and the up and down movement is characteristic of the course
\nfollowed by the nature in the sadhana which I myself felt for many years together. It is only after one reaches a certain height
\nthat one gets rid of it or rather it changes into an oscillation the reason and utility of which one can understand. Until that
\nhappens one has to go on and the one thing one must avoid is this feeling of despondency and self-distrust. If one perseveres,
\nthe final success is sure. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n24 October 1934
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI hope that you will soon acquire the faith and patience for
\nwhich you aspire and that the oscillations cease. For me the path of Yoga has always been a battle as well as a journey, a
\nthing of ups and downs, of light followed by darkness followed by a greater light
\n\u2014  but nobody is better pleased than myself
\nwhen a disciple can arrive out of all that to the smooth and clear path which the human physical mind quite rightly yearns
\nfor. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n24 December 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nStoppage of Sadhana
\n<\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe worst thing for sadhana is to get into a morbid condition,
\nalways thinking of “lower forces, attacks etc.” If the sadhana has stopped for a time, then let it stop, remain quiet, do ordinary things, rest when rest is needed \u2014  wait till the physical consciousness is ready. My own sadhana when it was far more
\nadvanced than yours used to stop for half a year together. I did not make a fuss about it, but remained quiet till the empty or
\n  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>372<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

\n\tdull period was over. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n8 March 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe inertia, physical weakness, endless subconscient recurrences have covered up my sadhana again and made such a confusion that I don’t know how to pull myself out of it.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tBy calling down the Descent, since the Ascent is impossible. At least that is how I dealt with the situation in my own case.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n5 October 1935 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI think the sadhana by itself does not refuse to go farther. It is some part of our being that determines the action of the
\nsadhana. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIf so then there is no need of any other force than the sadhak’s
\nown. My own experience is different, that the sadhana very often does refuse to go on except under certain conditions or
\nuntil those conditions are realised. But yours may be different. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n16 November 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tNo joy, no energy. Don’t like to read or write \u2014  as if a dead
\nman were walking about. Do you understand the position? Any personal experience?
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI quite understand; often had it myself devastatingly. That’s why I always advise people who have it to cheer up and buck up.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tSince one has to pass the time somehow, what is one to do? To bear the Cross gloomily, hoping for a resurrection?
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tTo cheer up, buck up and the rest if you can, saying “Rome was not built in a day”
\n\u2014  if you can’t, gloom it through till the sun
\nrises and the little birds chirp and all is well.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nLooks however as if you were going through a training
\nin vairagya. Don’t much care for vairagya myself \u2014  always avoided the beastly thing, but had to go through it partly, till I
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>373<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

hit on samata as a better trick. But samata is difficult, vairagya is easy, only damnably gloomy and uncomfortable.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n3 June 1936 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tSuddenly to drop without doing anything wrong \u2014  why such a setback?
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tEverybody drops. I have dropped myself thousands of times during the sadhana. What roseleaf-princess sadhaks you all are!
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n2 April 1937 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nNo Resorting to Miracles
\n<\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\nHow can one train oneself to have a direct intuition? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIt can be done, \u2014  but I should have to write an essay on the
\nIntuition to make any explanation intelligible.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI thought whatever is necessary will grow of itself through
\ngrowth of consciousness or something else. Must one train oneself for things one after another? Why should they not
\nopen up like your painting vision?1<\/font><\/sup> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIt can or it may not. Why did not everything open up in me
\nlike the painting vision and some other things? All did not. As I told you I had to plod in many things. Otherwise the affair
\nwould not have taken so many years (30). In this Yoga one can’t always take a short cut in everything. I had to work on each
\nproblem and on each conscious plane to solve or to transform and in each I had to take the blessed conditions as they were
\nand do honest work without resorting to miracles. Of course if the consciousness grows all of itself, it is all right, things will
\ncome with the growth, but not even then pell-mell in an easy gallop.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n4 April 1935 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tYou had Nirvana in three days. Still you say there was no spirituality in you!
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n1 See the letter of 29 December 1934 on page 264. \u2014  Ed.<\/i>  
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>374<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\nNone, before I took up Yoga.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tYou said [in the preceding letter<\/i>] that nothing comes at an
\n“easy gallop”, that one has to plod on and develop faculties. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tNo, I did not say nothing comes in an easy gallop. Some things
\ndo. But one can’t count on that as a rule. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n5 April 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nThe Censor
\n<\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI don’t find it a noble voice at all, it is the voice of the usual
\ndefeatist suggester using any and every reasoning to instil weakness, flight and self-destruction. There is no strong reasoning,
\neither, it is the usual round of sophistries always the same and repeated to every sadhak in turn. “Give up, give up, give up!
\nrun, run, run! die, die, say die, say die.” That is always the substance of it, the rest is only skin and shell to give it a good
\npresentation. I don’t reason with the creature; you may reason like Socrates and be as convincing as the Buddha, but after a
\nlittle it will soon come back and sing the same song over again. It pretends to reason, but doesn’t care a damn for either truth or
\nreason \u2014  I know too well the ways of the fellow \u2014  I have paid heavily to know. In my own sadhana I have heard his chant of
\ndeath a million times and several hundreds of times from this or that sadhak. So I simply refuse to listen to him and I advise you
\nto do the same. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\nFebruary 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThere is no reason to think that the movement of strength and
\npurity was a make-believe. No, it was a real thing. But with these strong forward movements the vital enthusiasm often comes
\nin with a triumphant “Now it is finished”, which is not quite justified, for “Now it will soon be finished” would be nearer to
\nit. It is at these moments that the thrice-damned Censor comes in with a jog, raises up a still shaky bit of the nature and produces
\na result that is out of all proportion to the size of the little bit, just to show that it is not finished. I have had any number of
\ntimes that experience myself. All this comes from the complexity  
\n76<\/i> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>375<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

and slowness of our evolutionary nature which Yoga quickens but not as a whole at a stroke. But in fact, as I said, these crises
\nare out of all proportion to their cause in the nature. One must therefore not be discouraged, but see the exaggeration in the
\nadversary’s successful negation as well as the exaggeration in our own idea of a complete and definitive victory already there.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n24 August 1936 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nDepression and Despair
\n<\/b>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tFits of despair and darkness are a tradition in the path of sadhana \u2014  in all Yogas oriental and occidental they seem to have been
\nthe rule. I know all about them myself \u2014  but my experience has led me to the perception that they are an unnecessary tradition
\nand could be dispensed with if one chose. That is why whenever they come in you or others I try to lift up before them the gospel
\nof faith. If still they come, one has only to get through them as soon as possible and get back into the sun.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n9 April 1930 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nExacerbation of Vital Movements
\n<\/b>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe exacerbation of certain vital movements is a perfectly
\n\twell-known phenomenon in Yoga and does not mean that one has
\ndegenerated, but only that one has come to close grips instead of to a pleasant nodding acquaintance with the basic instincts
\nof the earthly vital nature. I have had myself the experience of this rising to a height, during a certain stage of the spiritual
\ndevelopment, of things that before hardly existed and seemed quite absent in the pre-Yogic life. These things rise up like that
\nbecause they are fighting for their existence \u2014  they are not really personal to you and the vehemence of their attack is not due to
\nany “badness” in the personal nature. I dare say seven sadhaks out of ten have a similar experience. Afterwards when they
\ncannot effect their object, which is to drive the sadhak out of his sadhana, the whole thing sinks and there is no longer any
\nvehement trouble. I repeat that the only serious thing about it is the depression created in you and the idea of inability in the
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>376<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

\n\tyoga that they take care to impress on the brain when they are at their work. If you can get rid of that, the violence of the vital
\nattacks is only the phenomenon of a stage and does not in the end matter.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n24 June 1932 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tGod knows when I shall be above all this vital desire, sex, etc. I heave a sigh thinking of such retrogression.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThere is nothing peculiar about retrogression. I was also noted in my earlier time before Yoga for the rareness of anger. At a
\ncertain period of the Yoga it rose in me like a volcano, and I had to take a long time eliminating it. As for sex
\n\u2014  well. You
\nare always thinking that the things that are happening to you are unique and nobody else ever had such trials or downfalls or
\nmisery before. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n13 November 1936
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tYou surprise me very much by this volcanic anger of yours.
\nPeople say that they never heard a single harsh, rude, angry word from your mouth here in Pondicherry. But how is it that
\nthis “volcano” flared up in Yoga when you were noted for its rareness in pre-Yoga? Subconscient surge?
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI was speaking of a past phase. I don’t know about subconscient, must have come from universal Nature.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n14 November 1936 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI heard an interesting thing, that you gave X <\/i>a big shout! Ah, I wish I had heard it! But I thought you had lost your capacity
\nto shout? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe supramental (even its tail) does not take away any capacity,
\nbut rather sublimates all and gives those that were not there. So I gave a sublimated supramental shout. I freely admit that (apart
\nfrom the public platform) I have shouted only four or five times in my life.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n23 July 1938  
\n<\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>377<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\nOvercoming Adverse Movements
\n<\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI cannot believe that the soul in you can be broken to pieces and,
\nso long as that is there, it is always possible to recover. It must be something in the surface consciousness that is feeling like that.
\nBut from that it is perfectly possible to arise, even though it may seem difficult or impossible at the time. Nor can I see why there
\nshould be this devastating sense of humiliation because of an adverse movement that some of the greatest Yogis have passed
\nthrough, not to speak of myself in my earlier days or some of the most forceful sadhaks here. One gets caught unawares and
\nthrown down and feels broken \u2014  but after a time the shock passes and one gets up and pursues the Way
\n\u2014  till one reaches
\nthe “straight and thornless path where there is no more wall or obstacle”.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n15 September 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nThe Descent into the Physical
\n<\/b>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tWhat you are experiencing is the condition which comes when the whole
\nconsciousness has come down into the physical \u2014
\nwith the object of bringing down the higher consciousness into the external nature. At first there seems to be the external nature
\nonly with a tendency to more peace and quiet than before, but no new positive experience. The first thing the physical conscious
\nness is worked on to acquire is quiet, peace and equanimity as a basis for other things
\n\u2014  but what comes is a tendency to neutral
\nquiet which looks like inertia with occasional peace and silence. What is necessary is to bring down peace and silence and a
\nstrong equanimity within into the external nature and the very cells of the body. But the difficulty is that the physical nature has
\nlittle tendency to aspiration, its habit is to wait for the higher forces to do their work and remain passive. I think it is this
\ndifficulty that you are feeling. I felt it myself very often and for long periods at that stage of the sadhana. A steady development
\nof the habit of a very quiet but persistent tapasya in the form of a quiet concentration of will to progress could be very helpful
\nat this stage. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n1 July 1934<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>378<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

\n\tWas there in me a continuous real sadhana in 1933? Was it not rather only a mental experience without any real solidity in
\nit? Otherwise why should such a fall have come during these two years?
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThere was certainly a real sadhana then and a very persistent preparation on the mental and vital planes. If there had not
\nbeen, the descents of peace would not have begun. The fall came because when you descended into the physical consciousness to
\ncomplete the preparation there, you became too passive, not continuing your will of tapasya, with the result that this sex force
\ntook advantage of the inertia of the physical consciousness to assert itself fully. That kind of passivity to the forces comes upon
\nmany when there is the descent into the physical; one then feels different forces playing in the consciousness without having the
\nsame power of reaction as one had in the mind and the vital \u2014 sometimes peace etc. from above, sometimes disturbing forces.
\nI had to pass through the same stage myself and it took me 2 years at least to get out of it. To develop in the physical itself a
\nconstant will for the drawing down of the higher consciousness \u2014  especially the Peace and Force from above, is the best way
\nout of it. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n8 July 1935
\n <\/i> <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nTransforming Tamas <\/i>into
\nŚ<\/font>ama<\/i>
\n<\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tEither because the silence deepened or because the dullness increased, I felt a little sleepy after work. After waking I
\nfound my thoughts were moving about very slowly in a dull way. During meditation the mental lethargy passed away, but
\nsomething of it remained in the body. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIt is sometimes a little difficult to say whether it is silence or the
\nphysical’s translation of the silence into a kind of inertia. I have experienced that very often in the rather difficult task of turning
\n <\/i> the tamas <\/i>into śama<\/i>, physical tamas <\/i>into spiritual rest and peace
\nwhich is its divine counterpart. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n11 March 1934
\n <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>379<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

\nDizziness or Giddiness
\n<\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI still feel dizzy sometimes, but I would like to do some work
\nin the evenings. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tYou can try. I used to feel dizziness at one time for months together, but it never prevented me from walking or doing my work \u2014  but for that you must have a consciousness which observes
\nthe dizziness and is not lost in it. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tGiddiness can come from many causes. I used to walk about for hours with my head going round or going up in a most
\nexhilarating way. It gave me a perverse Ananda but did not inconvenience me otherwise.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n17 March 1935 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nPersistence of Dreams from the Subconscient
\n<\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tFor the last few days I am having frequent dreams of eating. Does it indicate greed for food or a need in the body, or is it a
\nsign of coming illness as they believe in the villages? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI don’t think so \u2014  it is probably old impressions from the subconscient material (not vital \u2014  therefore a memory rather than a desire) rising up in sleep. I remember a time when I was always
\nseeing dishes of food even though I did not care a hang about food at the time.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n2 April 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI do not find any change in the character of my dreams as yet \u2014  I get the usual kind of dreams about home life, eating,
\nmeeting strange people, moving about, etc. Why has there been no change in this respect in spite of my three years of
\nsadhana here? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tDreams of this kind can last for years and years after the waking
\nconsciousness has ceased to interest itself in things of that kind. The subconscient is exceedingly obstinate in the keeping of its
\nold impressions. I find myself even recently having a dream of  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>380<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

\n\trevolutionary activities or another in which the Maharaja of Baroda butted in, people and things I have not even thought of
\npassingly for the last twenty years almost. I suppose it is because the very business of the subconscient in the human psychology
\nis to keep all the past inside it and, being without conscious mentality, it clings to its office until the light has fully come
\ndown into it, illumining even its corners and crevices. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n17 December 1934
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tEven though I have stopped corresponding with my relatives, I
\nstill get useless memories of them. Others who do correspond with their relatives don’t seem to get disturbed by it. How
\nsolid these people seem to be. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI suppose it acts differently with different natures. Some benefit
\ngreatly by not writing; after a time they lose all contact with the old life. There are others who go on thinking and dreaming
\nof relatives, old places and scenes, old faces etc. etc.; others dream of these things half the night although in the daytime
\nthey never think of them. I myself found myself sometimes (not so long ago) dreaming of the Gaekwar and even now sometimes
\nBarin turns up in a most unexpected way. The impressions of the subconscient fade out very slowly. But all the same I think not
\nrenewing them does help. I am not so sure about the solidity of the persons you speak of
\n\u2014  I know that in some cases it keeps up
\nold attachments and prevents the physical consciousness from being free as it would have been otherwise.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n14 June 1935 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nSadhana and the Subconscient
\n<\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI concentrate so much on reading French that no room is left for sadhana-thinking, with the result that as soon as I come out
\nof that concentration anything can enter in my mind. Should I continue to read during work time or not?
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe Mother says she has no objection to your reading French during the work time.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nI should say however that if you could divide your attention  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>381<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

between the reading and sadhana-thought and concentration more, it might be better from the point of view you mention.
\nI mean that there should be sufficient concentration to create in your mind a sadhana atmosphere which you can bring up
\nto the surface as soon as you leave reading or whenever it is needed to set right an invading movement. Otherwise the
\nsubconscient forces have free play and gain power. Besides the condition becomes subconscient, i.e. inert and like a drift. At
\nleast that is what I have seen recently in my dealings with my own subconscient, so I pass on the hint to you.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n27 May 1935  
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>382<\/font><\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Section Three   Some Aspects of the Sadhana in Pondicherry       Inner Vicissitudes and Difficulties   Undeterred by Difficulty   I suppose all…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1657","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-35-letters-on-himself-and-the-ashram","wpcat-37-id"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1657","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1657"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1657\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1657"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1657"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1657"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}