{"id":1680,"date":"2013-07-13T01:36:29","date_gmt":"2013-07-13T01:36:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/?p=1680"},"modified":"2013-07-13T01:36:29","modified_gmt":"2013-07-13T01:36:29","slug":"54-human-relations-and-the-ashram-vol-35-letters-on-himself-and-the-ashram","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/01-works-of-sri-aurobindo\/03-cwsa\/35-letters-on-himself-and-the-ashram\/54-human-relations-and-the-ashram-vol-35-letters-on-himself-and-the-ashram","title":{"rendered":"-54_Human Relations and the Ashram.htm"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\n\n
\n

\n\t\t\tHuman Relations and the Ashram <\/font><\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/b>
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nRight Relations between Sadhaks <\/b>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe sadhaks of this Asram are not perfect \u2014  they have plenty of weaknesses and wrong movements. It is blindness not to
\nbe able to see that; only it should not lead to a criticising or condemnatory attitude on persons
\n\u2014  it should be regarded as
\nthe play of forces which have to be overcome. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n1933
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tTo be turned wholly to the Mother and have nothing but friendly
\nrelations with the sadhaks, the same for all, is a counsel of perfection; but not many can carry it out, hardly one here and
\nthere. Yet to have that tendency is to have the real turn towards the one-pointedness of sadhana; but people take time to arrive
\nat it. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n12 July 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe Mother has not laid stress on human fellowship of the
\nordinary kind between the inmates (though good feeling, consideration and courtesy should always be there), because that is
\nnot the aim; it is a unity in a new consciousness that is the aim, and the first thing is for each to do his sadhana to arrive at that
\nnew consciousness and realise oneness there. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n31 October 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI don’t think it is much use writing about personal relations in
\nthe true spiritual life (which does not yet exist here). None would understand
\nit except as a form of words. Only three points \u2014
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n(1) Its very base would have to be spiritual and psychic and not <\/i>vital. The vital would be there but as an instrument only.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n(2) It would be a relation flowing from the higher Truth, not continued from the lower Ignorance.
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>705<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

\n(3) It would not be impersonal in the sense of being colourless, but whatever colours were there would not be the egoistic
\nand muddy colours of the present relations. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n24 June 1936
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tWhat you say is right. Those one lives with have always some
\nways and manners that do not agree with one’s own and may grate on the mind. To observe quietly and not resent is part of
\nthe discipline of life, \u2014  not to be moved or affected at all but to see with equanimity the play of one Nature in all is the discipline
\nof sadhana. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nHelping Other Sadhaks <\/b>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe best way to help X <\/i>is to assist her by your own example and atmosphere to get the right attitude. Instead of the sense that
\nshe is very ill, she should be encouraged to have a bright and confident feeling, open to receive strength and health from us,
\ncontributing by her own faith to a speedy recovery. These ideas that they do not see the Mother, are outside the atmosphere, at
\na distance, are just the wrong notions and most likely to come in the way and block your sisters’ receptivity; it is surprising
\nthat you should accept or echo them and not react against them at once. They are here in the Asram (a little nearer or farther
\nmakes no difference), in the Mother’s presence and atmosphere, meeting her every day at the Pranam where everyone who is
\nopen can receive as much of her touch and her help as they can hold, \u2014  that is what they should feel and make the most of their
\nopportunity and not waste it by a negative attitude. For yourself, what you must have with other sadhaks (including your sisters) is a harmonious relation free from any mere vital attachment (indifference is not asked from you) and free
\nfrom any indulgence in wrong vital movements of the opposite kind (such as dislike, jealousy or ill-will). It is through the psychic consciousness that you have found it possible to be in a true constant relation with the Mother and your aim is to make
\nthat the basis of all your life, action and feelings; all in you, all  
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>706<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

\n\t\t\tyou feel, say and do should be consistent with that basis. If all proceeds from that psychic union of your consciousness with the
\nMother’s, dedicating everything to her, then you will develop the right relations with others.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n10 February 1932 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tCan one person really help another? Sometimes it seems as if help is given, but in the end it looks to be rather vague.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIt is a relative and partial help, of course, but it is sometimes useful. A radical help can only come from within through the
\naction of the Divine Force and the assent of the being. It must be said of course that it is not everyone that thinks he is helping
\nwho is really doing it; also if the help is accompanied with the exercising of an “influence”, that influence may be of a mixed
\ncharacter and harm as well as help if the instrument is not pure. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n2 November 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tA fully developed sadhak can be an instrument of the Mother
\nfor helping others, but a fully developed sadhak means one who is free from ego and he would never claim the work as his own.
\nIn this Asram all helping has recoiled on the helper by either making him egoistic or by his getting affected with the very
\nthings one is helping the other to get rid of. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n9 June 1936
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIt is indeed not possible for one human being to do another’s
\nsadhana for him, that each must do himself. The help that can be given is to lead or impel him by influence, example, speech,
\nencouragement towards the point where he can directly open to the Divine, also to impart to him strength, comfort, right
\nsuggestion in his moments of difficulty and weakness. You had very serious difficulties at the time and therefore we entrusted
\nX <\/i>with this work and he did all he could to carry it out and in fact his help was effective. For he stood successfully against
\nthe forces that tried to carry you away from here and brought you through to the point at which you could feel the direct inner
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>707<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

contact. This was what we meant by bringing you to the Mother. If in doing it human weakness brought in a personal attachment
\nbetween you which had its vital element, it was without his or your intending it. Now you are free from this element and wish
\nto be entirely turned within to the Mother alone, and that is quite right. For
\nX <\/i>who behind an exterior of curt speech and
\nstrong dominating will has a heart of strong feelings and warm emotions, it may take a little more time to be entirely free of
\nthis element. We shall try to liberate him from what is left of it as soon as possible. Meanwhile what you have to do is to be
\nhis comrade in work, but reserve yourself within entirely for the Mother. If you keep to this attitude, as you have resolved, then it
\nis bound to have its effect and he must before long come himself entirely to the same attitude.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nWhat you say of sadhana is true. Sadhana is necessary and the Divine Force cannot do things in the void but must lead
\neach one according to his nature to the point at which he can feel the Mother working within and doing all for him. Till then
\nthe sadhak’s aspiration, self-consecration, assent and support to the Mother’s workings, his rejection of all that comes in the way
\nis very necessary \u2014  indispensable. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n25 September 1936
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIt is not really surprising that people should be able to draw help
\nfrom you and feel themselves helped and this can happen even though you yourself may not consciously have the idea or the
\nfeeling of extending any help to them. You have a very strong vital with a great communicative and creative power which is not
\nshut up in itself but expansive and naturally flows out on those around it. Even ordinarily in the world people easily turn to such
\na strong and expansive vital and draw upon it for strength and assistance. In your case this is enhanced by your psychic being
\nhaving the habit of using your vital force for communication to the outside world as it has been habitually doing in your
\ncreative activities, poetry and other forms of writing or speech, song and music: apart from artistic qualities and appeal these
\nhave an appeal and influence which comes from that inner power  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>708<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

\n\t\t\twhich has breathed itself into them and formed their substance. It has again been greatly increased by the practice of Yoga and
\nthe feeling of bhakti which comes out of you when you write your songs and sing them. In your work for us you have the
\nknowledge that our force stands behind you; it is always there and can increase your power to help others, not only when you
\nare doing the work but at other times or whenever they turn towards you with the idea or faith that the help they need can
\ncome from you. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n11 July 1949
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nInadvisability of Forming Special Relations <\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tWrite to him that these things are the creations of the mind and
\nhave no value. If the girl has a true call to Yoga, she can herself follow it; but it creates no special connection between her and
\nhim any more than with any sadhaka. To indulge imaginations of this kind will be dangerous for his sadhana.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n7 January 1929 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tAll that you have written in this letter is quite correct. It is useless to go through the old kind of reconciliation with
\nX <\/i>\u2014  it will only
\nbring back the same futile circle \u2014  for he will act in the same way always (until he changes spiritually in the vital and that
\nmeans a turning away from all vital relations) and you would be flung back into the same reactions. To cut away is the only thing
\n\u2014  the best for him, the best for you. As for the feelings excited in him
\n\u2014  more hurt self-esteem than anything else \u2014  they will fade
\nout of themselves. The first necessity of both is to free yourselves from the old relations and that cannot, it is very clear, be done
\nby going back to any remnant of the old interchange.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nFor the rest keep to your resolution. Do not discuss him
\nwith anybody, do not interest yourself in what he does or does not do; let it be his own concern and the Divine’s, not yours.
\nExpect nothing personally from him \u2014  you may be sure that your expectations will only be disappointed. His nature is not
\nyours and his mental view of what should or should not be done is quite different
\n\u2014  incompatible with yours. By retaining
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>709<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

anything of the old feeling you will only invite pain and farther disillusionment
\n\u2014  you gain nothing and pay a heavy price for
\nthat nothing. It is only by becoming one-minded in the sadhana that you can escape from this painful circle.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nI hope that you will recover tomorrow the capacity for food and shake off the remnants of the physical depression which
\nhave been left behind by the attack. Let the physical consciousness as well as the rest of the nature turn wholly to the Light
\nand the Divine and seek only the one true source of happiness and Ananda.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n31 March 1933 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThere is no sin in attachment. All human beings are full of attachments. But if one wants to do Yoga and reach the Divine,
\none must give up all earthly attachments. It is not easy to do so, even for a sadhak, but it must be attempted sincerely and, if it
\nis sincerely attempted, then it can be done.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nAttachment means that you desire or need or depend on a
\nthing or a person so much that you cannot do without it or him, and are always trying to keep the thing or be with the person or
\nsomehow in touch with him. X <\/i>says you are attached to him and that it is proved by your always seeking to find an excuse for
\nyour being with him; you want to learn from him and not from another, to read our answers with him and not with any other,
\nto do the dispensary work and so be near him every day. He says also you told him if he did not satisfy you in these matters, you
\nwould go away to Gujarat or do worse, because you could not bear his disappointing you always. He thinks this proves that
\nyou came here for him and not for Yoga. If you want to show him that it is not so, the only way is not to insist on these things
\nthat bring you near to him and not say anything that he can understand in this sense.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nYou have come here for Yoga and not for X <\/i>\u2014  you depend on the Mother and myself alone and not on
\nX<\/i>. We are quite
\nready to accept that, for that is what should be. But then you have no need to be upset by what
\nX <\/i>may say to you or how he
\nmay act with you or by his refusal to accede to your requests.  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>710<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\nYou can freely and calmly stand away from him and turn to the Divine alone.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n17 July 1933 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe whole difficulty comes from the fact that you and X <\/i>had a special relation to each other which was of the character of a
\nmutual vital demand and dependence on each other and what is called in Yoga an attachment. (There is no question here of
\na sexual physical relation but of a vital attachment.) This was coming in the way of your making any progress in Yoga and
\nit was coming in the way of X <\/i>also. When X <\/i>realised this and wanted to reduce the connection between you to a minimum,
\nyou were unwilling, you wanted to do all sorts of things that would keep you near him and keep him busy with you.
\nX <\/i>himself
\nwas not free from attachment and therefore in reacting against your pressure and his own remains of weakness, he became rude
\nand violent \u2014  that was what he meant by cutting the connection altogether. But he is not yet free and that is why he still reacts
\nviolently whenever there is any talk of your going to him as he has done in
\nhis last letter. On your side you also are not free \u2014
\nif you were, it would not happen that every time there is any question of X
\n<\/i>you immediately lose the good condition you were
\ngetting and all the old thoughts occupy your mind and you fall back into the weeping and not eating etc. etc. It is the reason
\nwhy the Mother does not care for you and X <\/i>to meet so long as these old reactions are there either in him or in you. That
\nis the plain fact of the matter. What other people think or say about it, is of no importance. What matters is the sadhana and
\nbesides it nothing else matters. Show that you are free, that what X <\/i>does or does not do does not disturb or occupy your mind in
\nthe least and get into the true way of the sadhana as you were preparing to do
\n\u2014  then it will be easier for us to deal with
\nX<\/i>
\nand his defects and difficulties. This Asram is not intended to be a society like that of the outside world, and when
\nY <\/i>or Z<\/i>
\nor anyone else talk and advise you from that standpoint, they are speaking things which have nothing to do with the work
\nwe are trying to do here \u2014  and if you listen to such advice, you  
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>711<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

will only get out of the right way of looking at it. You will get into the right way only when you cease to think of these
\nthings and look at things from the point of view of sadhana only.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tEvery sadhika has one or another special sadhika-friend but I
\nfind none like-minded enough. Why am I such an independent-minded loner? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIt is not necessary to have special friendships, \u2014  to be in good relations is enough. For the rest, to be turned entirely to us is
\nthe best condition for spiritual progress. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nRelations between Men and Women in the Ashram
\n<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tHow is it that when I am talking to a sadhika I don’t feel anything but afterwards the memory or image brings the sex
\nsense? Why should a sadhak not be able to speak to a sadhika as he would to anybody else?
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIn an Asram or other religious institution men and women are not usually allowed to live together. Where they do, as among
\nthe Vaishnavas, these difficulties invariably arise. The difficulty lies in the enormous place given to sex in the lower Nature.
\nBut there is no reason if one fixes oneself firmly in the spiritual consciousness why one should not speak and act between men
\nand women without the least reference to sex. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n2 December 1933
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tCan we not justify Buddha, Ramakrishna and others who
\nadvocated isolation from women? After all, is it not essentially the same principle here, because if vital relations are debarred,
\nnothing remains except a simple exchange of words? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tWhat about the true (not
\nthe pretended) psychic and spiritual \u2014
\nforgetting sex? The relation has to be limited as it is because sex immediately trots into the front. You are invited to live above
\nthe vital and deeper than the vital \u2014  then only you can use the  
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>712<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n\tvital aright. Buddha was for Nirvana and what is the use of having relations with anybody if you are bound for Nirvana?
\nRamakrishna insisted on isolation during the period when a man is spiritually raw
\n\u2014  he did not object to it when he became ripe
\nand no longer a slave of sex. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n26 January 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tDo not receive X in your own room<\/i>. That may disturb the
\natmosphere of the Asram. What was meant when we said you need not avoid her or cut all relations was that if you meet in
\nthe ordinary way in the Asram, you need not avoid speaking to her if occasion demands it or if she speaks to you avoid replying
\netc. Any relations kept should be natural, but not intimate<\/i>. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n17 April 1943
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nSexual Relations and the Ashram <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIn view of your last letter and of the disturbances in you which
\nyou hint there, we consider and you must yourself realise that it is better for you to return to your family life and not to stay here
\ntoo long. The conquest of sexual desire can only be done if one is truly ready and has the spiritual call and is prepared, however
\ndifficult it may be, to give up for it everything else. There is no place for the sexual impulse and its desires in spiritual life and
\nany sadhaka indulging it, either physically or vitally, is going against the law of the Asram life and injuring gravely his or
\nher sadhana. The sexual desire must be either satisfied in the ordinary family life or it must be thrown aside. But you are
\nnot now able to conquer it. To remain here with the unsatisfied desire will only confuse your mind, bring wrong ideas, create a
\nstruggle in you and injure the basis of such sadhana as you can do. Make up your mind therefore to return to your family and
\ndo what you can there. It is always better to do what you can than to attempt prematurely something for which you are not
\nready. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n16 April 1932
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>713<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

Your daughter X<\/i>1<\/font><\/sup> has now been here for a fairly long time and we think it due to you to let you know what we consider best
\nfor her. It appears from our observation of her that she is not at all ready for Asram life or for intensive sadhana; she has
\ntoo much of the ordinary movements and the instinct of sexual desire is too strong in her and unsatisfied and this indicates the
\nneed of the social and family life, not a life of Yoga. The family life accompanied with whatever religious worship or practice of
\nbhakti she can manage is her proper field at present. For one with these unsatisfied instincts to live in the Asram would on
\none side be bad for her, \u2014  it would raise up a vital struggle and a confusion of ideas adverse to spiritual progress
\n\u2014  for she has
\nnot yet the necessary inner force or intensity of the spiritual call that would help her to overcome. On the other side it would
\nbe likely to create movements that would be disturbing to the Asram atmosphere. It is better for her therefore to return home
\nand do what she can there. I trust our decision will not in any way disturb or disappoint you; for it was not, I think, your
\nintention in bringing her here that she should remain for a long time. It is in her own interest that she should not be pushed
\ntowards an effort that is premature. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n16 April 1932
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe whole of yesterday I felt a dark power hanging over me.
\nWhen I asked the Mother if it was the same universal dark power that, through woman, binds the soul to the earth, she
\nreplied, “Why woman? Through man <\/i>as well!” Yes, man as well \u2014  but is there not something which makes woman a more
\nconvenient, capacious and dangerous tool in its hand? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThat is what man thinks; it is his experience. Woman’s experience is that man is the dangerous animal and instrument of all her sufferings and downfalls.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nIt is not man or woman; it is the Sex-Force which is the dangerous tool in the hands of the Ignorance.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n17 September 1932 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n

\n
\n1 The recipient of the preceding letter. \u2014  Ed.<\/i>  
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>714<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\nWhy do you believe everything that people tell you? What I told X <\/i>was that he had
\nonce <\/i>progressed greatly, he had afterwards
\nallowed himself to yield to the bad habits that rose from his lower nature and fallen from the psychic contact and that until
\nhe got rid of these things which were the cause of all his sufferings he would not progress or recover his contact with the Mother.
\nWe never told him that he was making progress now or that his coarse indulgence was a sign of (no doubt, miraculous, godlike
\nand amazing) progress. God in Heaven, what things people put in my mouth and the Mother’s!
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n25 November 1933 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tWhile looking at pictures of women in magazines, I sometimes feel sexual sensations. Do you want me to avoid looking or to
\novercome this influence? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tYou had better get rid of the influence. It won’t do not to be able
\nto look at a woman or a picture of a woman without getting sexual sensations \u2014  you must get rid of that.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n4 December 1933 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI am afraid X <\/i>is not so forward in sadhana as you think. I suppose I had better tell you plainly that she is full of the sex
\ndifficulty \u2014  it is her special difficulty <\/i>and it is so much in her nature that with all her struggles she is unable to escape from
\nit. I am afraid she is throwing it upon you. Of course it is her imagination that yields to it; she would never consent to the act.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nAs for Y <\/i>it is different. She has no sex desires, but before she opened to the Yoga, there was a certain kind of vital passivity
\nin her to men and this kind of passivity is very attractive to the masculine sex instinct. As the movements in you are not mental
\nbut in sensation, it is possible that your subconscient vital has somehow felt this in her subconscient temperament and got the
\nattraction. These movements are not vitally willed or mental \u2014 they belong to that shadowy region of submerged vital physical
\ninstinct which the psychoanalysts try to deal with in their jargon of complexes etc.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n30 September 1934 <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>715<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

\nI consider the sex-movement to be something outside me, and leave it to the Mother for transformation.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tYes \u2014  so long as it does not come inside, that can be done.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n26 October 1934
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tYesterday you wrote about the sex-movement, “so long as it
\ndoes not come inside, that can be done.” I don’t know what you mean by “come inside”.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tComing inside means taking hold of you so that there is a push for satisfaction. Pressure from outside however strongly felt is
\nnot coming inside. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n27 October 1934
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tWhy is it that in the past so much stress was laid on food, external cleanliness, asceticism, etc. and so little on brahmacharya or conservation of energies or inner development? And why all
\nthe prejudice of caste in the matter of food? Is there any truth in the popular belief that a man is not considered spiritual
\nunless he is a vegetarian, cooks his own food, etc.? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe value of brahmacharya was fully understood in past times
\nfor Yogis; carefulness about food and cleanliness is also necessary as a minor matter for the body. The rest appertains to
\nthe social system (e.g. caste etc.) and does not concern spiritual living. The Sannyasi is not supposed to be bound by caste. Some
\nmay be unable to shake off these things \u2014  the grihastha Yogi may continue them because they are part of the social life in
\nwhich he is. <\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI suppose the idea of inner detachment with regard to food
\nand other vital enjoyments is not much understood in other beliefs.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe idea of inner detachment is perfectly well known to the Yogis as the Janaka ideal
\n\u2014  but it is considered too difficult to
\npractise for most men and therefore likely to be practised only in profession, not in fact.
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>716<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\nAnd what is the reason for the popular opposition to materialism?
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tMaterialism is of course incompatible with the spiritual aim. The spiritual control of matter is a different thing, it has nothing to
\ndo with materialism. <\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI would like to know if in the higher spiritual or Divine Life
\nthe sexual or vital play is to be altogether banned. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIf you expect to indulge it in the Divine Life, you will never get
\nrid of it \u2014  it will remain clinging under that excuse. <\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIf there is to be no sex in the Divine Life, how is the human
\nrace to continue? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tWhy concern yourself with the continuity of the race? There
\nwill be plenty of people to continue it. If the supermind has to intervene in the continuity, it will surely do it in its own way,
\nbut what that way will be will be found out if and when there is a necessity.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tWhat did Sri Ramakrishna mean by banning
\n\t\t\tkāminī <\/i>and kā\u00f1can <\/i>for a spiritual man? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tHe stressed the danger of sex and greed of money for the spiritual
\nlife and insisted on a total abstinence, at any rate in the whole period of sadhana and I suppose he considered that impossible
\nwithout keeping aloof from the things that most aroused these passions. Some of his disciples say however that he said
\n\tকাম কাঞ্চন<\/font> [kām
\n\tkā\u00f1can<\/i>], not
\n\tকামিনী কাঞ্চন<\/font>  [kāminī
\n\tkā\u00f1can<\/i>]. Anyhow
\nhe probably imposed it for the raw period of the sadhana \u2014  once siddha, when the contact with women could no longer rouse the
\nsex-impulse, he would not have considered it so imperative for all. But he himself could not touch money.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tWhat are the correct ideas with regard to
\n\t\t\tgārhasthya <\/i>life?
\n <\/i> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tGārhasthya <\/span> <\/i>life, meaning marriage and rearing of a family, is
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>717<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

a social institution based on ego. It can only be a stage in the evolution of a spiritual man.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n13 November 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIs there a region of Apsaras in the intermediate zone? Perhaps you discourage me from retiring because you feel I might go
\nthere and try to get in touch with them. But probably such a contact is not as dangerous as ambition, pride, egoism etc.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThere may very well be, \u2014  though I don’t know that anyone here came into contact with Apsaras; it is generally less attractive females from the vital world who are after them, usually in the shape of sadhikas, relatives etc. The sadhaks here don’t
\nseem to be so aesthetic as the ancient Rishis. It would be pretty dangerous, however, if they did contact it. Sex (occult) stands
\non a fair level of equality with ambition etc. from the point of view of danger, only its action is usually less ostensible i.e. the
\nHostiles don’t put it forward so openly as a thing to be followed after in the spiritual life. They did that more in the beginning,
\ne.g. X <\/i>and others. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n28 February 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tTouching is quite common in ordinary civilised society. It may
\nnot be pure, but it is so common that there is little reaction. Perhaps there are some who do not feel the sex sensation at
\nall when they touch in public. But when it is done in secret, I suppose the reaction is almost always there. As for myself,
\nI’m sure I would feel the effect later, even if the touching was done in public.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIn ordinary society people touch each other more or less freely according to the manners of the society. That is quite a different
\nmatter because there the sex impulse is allowed within certain more or less wide or narrow limits and even the secret indulgence
\nis common, although people try to avoid discovery. In Bengal when there is purdah, touching between men and women is
\nconfined to the family, in Europe there is not much restriction so long as there is no excessive familiarity or indecency; but in
\nEurope sex is now practically free. Here all sex indulgence inner   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>718<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n\tor outer is considered undesirable as an obstacle to the sadhana \u2014  as it very evidently is. For that reason any excessive familiarity
\nof touch between men and women has to be avoided, anything also in the nature of caressing, as it creates or tends to create sex
\ntendency or even the strong sex impulse. Casual touching has to be avoided also if it actually creates the sex impulse. These are
\ncommonsense rules if the premiss is granted that sex has not to have any indulgence.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n1 July 1935 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tBefore, when I had ordinary contact with women, I did not feel the sex-pull so much, nor did I have the sense that it
\nwas always behind. Now it shows itself so vividly: contact, imagination, sensation. I am in despair, and feel I should give
\nup my efforts and go away. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tSex is your main difficulty \u2014  it is in fact the only very serious one
\nand it is so because it is always behind and you have sometimes pushed it back, but never cut with it entirely. It is the physical
\nvital that is weak and when the thing comes, becomes pliant to it in spite of the mental will’s resistance. But even so; if the mental
\nwill made itself real and strong, these crises would be met and overcome, or at least pass without leading to indulgence in one
\nform or another. The other possibility is the settled descent of the higher consciousness into the physical being. It is in these
\ntwo ways that liberation from sex is possible. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n5 April 1936
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tYou write [in the preceding letter<\/i>], “you have . . . never cut
\nwith it entirely.” In what sense? Every time I have tried to cut off all contact with people, I have been overcome with imaginations. How does one cut off imaginations? Perhaps you will say that other people have conquered sex without seclusion or
\nhigher experience or much work. If so, I would like to know about them. Probably they were naturally sattwic.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThere are people outside the Asram even who have got free from the sex without seclusion
\n\u2014  even sleeping in the same bed with
\nthe wife. I know one at least who did it without any higher   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>719<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

experience. The work of these people is ordinary service or professional work, but that did not prevent their having the
\nsex struggle nor did it help them to get rid of it. The thing came after a prolonged struggle because they were determined to be
\nrid of it and at a certain stage they got a touch which made the determination absolutely effective. Possibly they were sattwic,
\nbut that did not prevent their having strong sex impulses and a hard and prolonged struggle.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nI meant by cutting off a determined rejection of the inward as well as the outward movement whenever it comes. Something
\nin the nature accepts and lets itself go helplessly and something in the mind allows it to do so. The mind does not seem to
\nbelieve in its power to say No definitely to inward movements as it would to an outer contact
\n\u2014  and yet the Purusha is there
\nand can put its definite No, maintaining it till the Prakriti has to submit \u2014  or else till the confirming touch from above makes its
\ndetermination perfectly effective. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n5 April 1936
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tYour diagnosis of the origin of the trouble in X <\/i>agrees with what
\nwe have seen of it. But here a question arises. You say that one thing that has contributed is a suppressed sexuality which could
\nnot find satisfaction. Now it is obviously impossible for him to have that in the Asram
\n\u2014  for the rule of life is against it and it
\nis impossible to give any even limited expression to it without at once hurting the sadhana while at the same time it does not
\nsatisfy because of the restriction and wrong conditions of mind which attend it. It is only by going outside that it can be done.
\nIn X <\/i>there is the constant push to go away and this along with a vital restlessness is likely to be the cause. The question then is
\nwhether it is necessary for the cure of his neurasthenia that he should satisfy it and therefore leave the Asram so that he may
\nbe free to follow his vital impulse? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n18 April 1936
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tEurope and America are full of free sex indulgence \u2014  they do not
\nnowadays consider it a thing to be avoided but rather welcomed.  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>720<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n\tBut this is an Asram and people are supposed to be doing a sadhana in which sex has to be surmounted. In the Asram there
\nare many who mix freely with all the sadhikas \u2014  they are certainly not free from sex. Avoiding also is not a panacea; one can
\navoid and have sex imaginations and desires. But it is absurd to say that avoiding is the cause of sex imaginations and impulses
\nor that mixing is a panacea for it. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n13 April 1937
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tTo get rid of the vital difficulties one very necessary thing is to
\nkeep yourself fully open to us. It was because you did that, that it was possible to throw out the sex obsession. If anything rises
\nfrom the vital, keep yourself detached and observe it and reject; on no account allow yourself to be caught and swept away by
\nit. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n21 June 1938
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tAbout sex and Yoga \u2014  my teaching has been clearly written
\nin the Bases of Yoga <\/i>and everyone knows how strongly the Mother has discountenanced these things and considers purity
\nfrom them a first requisite for success in the path of sadhana. But there are very queer things that have for long been inculcated in
\nthe Asram to newcomers and to visitors \u2014  e.g. that truthfulness is a superstition and the more you lie the better sadhak you are.
\nThat was the first thing taught to a sadhak who first came here many years ago and it is only recently that he has discovered it
\nwas not my view or the Mother’s. It is not surprising that our work and the Yoga should make such slow progress when such
\nperversities fill the atmosphere. Whatever can be done to clear them out will be so much help to the work of the Mother.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n13 November 1938 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIs it true that there is the spiritual relation of husband and wife between sadhaka and sadhika?
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tAre you all becoming cracked in the head? How is it that after all this time such a question can be put? Have you not read my
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>721<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

letters and messages on the subject of sex? You have not gone through the Bases of Yoga
\n<\/i>where the subject of sex is treated
\nthrough many pages and it is clearly insisted on that all sex impulse and sex relation must go. If any sadhak and sadhika
\nwant to establish this relation, they should immediately pack up their things and go
\n\u2014  for it is forbidden here.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIf there exists between a man and a woman the high spiritual relation of husband and wife, purusha and shakti, and the
\nwoman demands consummation, is the man bound to satisfy her?
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tYou have not read the rule that conjugal relations are forbidden here? You do not know that
\nX <\/i>and Y <\/i>and Z <\/i>and A <\/i>had to
\nleave because they followed this way? Under no pretence or cloak whatever is sex to be indulged by anyone practising this
\nsadhana. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\ncirca 1936 \u00ad 1938
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThere is with regard to sex no change whatever. Babies may be
\nallowed in the Asram but the manufacture of babies there is an industry which has no sanction. Married people (that is not
\nnew) or families may be living here, but on the old condition of the complete cessation of marital activities. The ban on sex here
\nstands, unchanged by an iota. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n2 January 1945
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nTantric Theories and the Ashram <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tSomething in me has been persistently giving the suggestion
\nthat sex is not to be given up altogether and that some refined movement of sex may be an aid to the sadhana. This suggestion was supported by some vague ideas I have about Tantric methods.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tAny suggestion about Tantric practices must certainly be a trick of the vital. The sex impulsions can be got rid of without them.
\nThey persist only because something still wants to reserve a place for them. So the best answer to the question about the sadhana
\n  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>722<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n\t(What is the place of sex in our sadhana?) is “No place”. One must give up the sex-satisfaction and be satisfied with the Divine
\nLove and Ananda. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tSometimes I get the idea that I should talk and laugh and mix with women and touch them and yet remain free. This alone
\ncould be called true conquest. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe idea you speak of is the Tantric idea and very dangerous. It
\nmust be so in the end, but it is difficult to do that until one is strong enough in the settled spiritual consciousness. The avoidance is sometimes the only way until the higher consciousness is settled in the vital and vital-physical.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n22 October 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tSomeone said that if a yogi has his Shakti and if the Shakti demands physical contact the yogi has to fulfil it. Is that correct?
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIf the sadhak is a left-hand Tantrik or a Vaishnava of the Bengal school, then his theories may have some validity but they have
\nnone in this Asram. <\/span> <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tSomeone else also said that a special, though not sexual,
\nrelation can exist between sadhaka and sadhika. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe only relation permissible here is the same as between a
\nsadhak and sadhak or between a sadhika and sadhika \u2014  a friendly relation as between followers of the same path of Yoga
\nand children of the Mother. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n5 September 1936
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe subtle sex centre awoke after some years of Pranava
\nsadhana. Afterwards I understood what the Tantras meant by the relation between sadhaka and sadhika. The reality behind
\nit is the duality of united Shiva-Shakti. Man’s ordinary life is the wrong way of giving it expression. I am now able to
\ntransform this perception into Delight. Is this experience true?   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>723<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

This is not accepted in Sri Aurobindo’s Yoga.2<\/font><\/sup> Any such “sublimated” sex relation becomes a subtle but powerful bar to the
\nfull realisation and transformation and can derail the sadhana. There is an Ananda behind all things, otherwise they would not
\nexist; but it does not follow that all things must be accepted in their delight-form as a part of the higher life.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nThe Question of Marriage <\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI have not your letter with me as I write but there were two
\nquestions which you put to us, as far as I can remember.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nThe first was about a complementary soul and marriage. The
\nanswer is easy to give; the way of the spiritual life lies for you in one direction and marriage lies in quite another and opposite.
\nAll talk about a complementary soul is a camouflage with which the mind tries to cover the sentimental, sensational and physical
\nwants of the lower vital nature. It is that vital nature in you which puts the question and would like an answer reconciling
\nits desires and demands with the call of the true soul in you. But it must not expect a sanction for any such incongruous
\nreconciliation from here. The way of the supramental Yoga is clear; it lies not through any concession to these things,
\n\u2014  not,
\nin your case, through the satisfaction, under a spiritual cover if possible, of its craving for the comforts and gratifications of a
\ndomestic and conjugal life and the enjoyment of the ordinary emotional desires and physical passions, but through the purification and transformation of the forces which these movements pervert and misuse. Not these human and animal demands, but
\nthe divine Ananda which is above and beyond them and which the indulgence of these degraded forms would prevent from
\ndescending, is the great thing that the aspiration of the vital being must demand in the sadhaka.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nThe other question was about your difficulty in getting rid of the aboriginal in your nature. That difficulty will remain so
\nlong as you try to change your vital nature by the sole power of
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\n2 Written by Sri Aurobindo to one of his secretaries, who replied to the correspondent.<\/i>
\n\u2014  Ed.<\/i>  
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>724<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\nyour mind and mental will, calling in at most an indefinite and impersonal divine Power to aid you. It is an old difficulty which
\nhas never been truly solved because it has never been met in the true way. In the former ways of Yoga it did not supremely matter
\nbecause the aim was withdrawal from life. Either the vital was kept down by a mental and moral compulsion, or it was stilled
\nand kept lying in a kind of sleep and quiescence, or it was allowed to run and exhaust itself if it could while its possessor professed
\nto be untouched and unconcerned by it. When none of these solutions could be attained, the sadhaka simply led a double
\ninner life, divided between his spiritual experiences and his vital weaknesses to the end. If you want a true mastery and transformation of the vital movements, it can be done only on condition you allow your psychic being, the soul in you, to awake fully, to
\nestablish its rule and open to the permanent touch of the divine Shakti and impose its way of devout aspiration and complete
\nsurrender on the mind and heart and vital nature. There is no other way and it is no use hankering after a more comfortable path.
\nNānyah panthā vidyate ayanāya.<\/i>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n4 October 1927
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI could not quite follow what the Mother said the other day
\nabout keeping a mate. What is the difference between keeping a mate and marrying?
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThe Mother said “maid”, not “mate”. You spoke of having wished to marry again because you needed someone to nurse
\nyou when ill, etc. etc. These are good reasons for keeping a servant, not for marrying.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n30 September 1929 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIf she has the true call to the Yoga and not only an impulse due to the influence of others, the necessary conditions will be
\ncreated. Even if the circumstances seem adverse, it will be only a test or ordeal and she will come through in the end. On the
\nother hand, if she is not yet truly called or if her nature is not yet ripe, the marriage may take place and she may have to go
\n  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>725<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

through the ordinary life before she can return to the spiritual. There was never any suggestion from here that the girl should
\ncome to Pondicherry; how is it that it has been raised over there? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n25 April 1930
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tNo member of the Asram can while he is a member contract a
\nmarriage whether it is spiritual or sexual or bring in a woman to be his life-companion or establish such a relation with anyone
\noutside. This is no part of the Asram life. He can do it outside by leaving the Asram, for then he is no longer a member and can
\norder his life as he pleases; he is then responsible to himself alone for his action and its spiritual or other consequences concern
\nonly himself and that other person.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nIn the cases you cite there is no tie of spiritual marriage
\nbetween the persons concerned: the sexual connection has been renounced, but no new inner tie has been formed
\n\u2014  there is
\ntherefore no similarity with the action you propose. As special cases they are allowed to live in the same house for certain
\noutward conveniences, but it is clearly understood that the old dependence of husband and wife on each other has to cease;
\nthey have to accustom themselves to be only sadhaks having no inner dependence on each other, but separately depending on the
\nMother alone, receiving spiritual help from her alone, offering to her alone the obedience of the disciple to the Master.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nFor your case to assimilate to theirs you would have to marry legally and socially with the consent of the father, live
\nfor twenty years or more together outside and then come for admission to the Asram with the resolution to develop an inner
\nlife independent from each other and turned to the Divine alone. What you propose as described in your letter is something quite
\ndifferent \u2014  it might stand in a Vaishnava sadhana or in some form of Karma Yoga, but it has no place here. An old relation
\nis one thing, \u2014  its root being cut, time may be given in special cases at the Mother’s discretion to get free from some of its outer
\nresults and habits which are not of the first importance; to bring in a new marriage relation with the full intention of giving it free
\n  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>726<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\nplay and making it a part of the sadhana is a very different thing.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nI do not know what you mean by “true sadhana”. Each path
\nof sadhana has its own way and procedure which may be quite different from that of other paths. For this path the Mother and
\nI can alone determine what is necessary or not necessary, what is admissible or not admissible. If one has some other way of life
\nwhich he finds necessary and considers part of the true sadhana, he is free to practise it elsewhere, but he has no claim to do
\nit here and make it a part of this sadhana or of the life of the Asram if it is not sanctioned and approved by the Mother and
\nmyself. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n13 May 1937
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThere is only one answer to X<\/i>‘s question \u2014  marriage and Yoga
\nare two different movements going opposite ways; if he follows one, he will be moving away from the other. So if he marries,
\neither of two things will happen \u2014  he will sink into the ordinary life and go far away from us in spirit or he will find married
\nlife unsatisfactory, renounce his wife and return to the path that leads towards the Divine. Marriage with the first result would
\nbe only a stupidity; marriage for the second result would be an irrational
\ninconsequence. So in either way \u2014
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nMarriage, Service and Yoga <\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tA letter from you dated July 25th of this year duly reached Sri
\nAurobindo, but at the time he was not in a position to give any definite answer. Latterly, he has read your letter again and
\ninstructs me to write the following reply.3<\/font><\/sup>
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nFirst, as regards your question about your married life.
\nThe sound principle in these matters is that so long as you feel the sense of duty, it is better to follow it out until you are
\nliberated; you must not carry a scruple or a remorse or any kind of backward pull or attraction into the spiritual life. Equally,
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\n3 Sri Aurobindo wrote this letter by hand and gave it to his secretary to be copied and<\/i>
\nsent to the correspondent. \u2014  Ed.<\/i>
\n  
\n<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>727<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

if you have any strong attraction towards the usual human active life, towards earning, bright prospects, the use of your
\ncapacities for the ordinary motives or on the ordinary plane of human consciousness, you ought not to leave everything
\nbehind you for what may after all be only a mental attraction towards spiritual ideals and Yoga. The spiritual consciousness
\nand spiritual life are exceedingly difficult to attain; it needs a deep and strong call and the turning of all the energies towards
\nthe one object to arrive at any kind of full success (siddhi). Even those who have cut off all other ties, find it difficult not to
\nlive in a double consciousness, one inward and turned towards the spiritual change and the other which is still chained to the
\nordinary movements and pulls them down from their spiritual experience into the persistent and unchanged course of the lower
\nnature. If you have not the entire and undivided call, it is better not to take the plunge, unless you are prepared for very bitter
\ninner struggles, great difficulties and relapses and a hampered and doubtful progress. It is better in that case to prepare yourself
\nby meditation and concentration while still living in the family and the usual human life, until the spiritual attraction is strong
\nenough to overshadow and destroy all others.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nNext, you speak of leading a higher life in order to fit your
\nself for service to others. But leading a higher life is a vague mental phrase and the object of Yoga is not service to others. The
\nobject of Yoga is to enter into an entirely new consciousness in which you live no longer in the mind and the ego but in the divine
\nconsciousness and grow into the true inmost truth of your being above mind and life and body. The aim in most ways of Yoga is to
\ndraw back altogether from life into this greater existence. In Sri Aurobindo’s Yoga, the aim is to transform mind, life and body
\ninto an expression of this divine Truth and to make the outward as well as the inward life embody it
\n\u2014  a much more difficult
\nendeavour. To act out of this greater consciousness becomes the only rule of life, abandoning all other dharmas. Not to serve
\neither one’s own ego or others, but to serve the Divine Shakti and be the instrument of her works is the law of this life.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nYour other question, \u2014  about the Asrama, arises only when  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>728<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\nyou have found your call and your true way, \u2014  if that leads you here. In all cases Sri Aurobindo prefers to be assured of the call
\nand the capacity before he admits anyone to his Asrama. The first of these two questions however, you have to decide mostly
\nfor yourself; the second can be settled only if, supposing you decide in this sense, you are called here and personally tested
\nwith a view for the Yoga. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\ncirca 1927
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nFamily Life and the Ashram <\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI hope you have not given any reason to your relatives to under
\nstand that it is by my orders <\/i>that you do not correspond with them or return to family life! You have remained here and taken
\nto the spiritual life by your own choice and it was at your prayer that your temporary stay was changed into a permanent one.
\nWhen you make a choice, you must have the courage to take your stand upon it on your own responsibility before your family
\nand the world. Otherwise each one here is at liberty to remain on the path or leave it as he chooses. I think you had better make
\nthat clearly understood by your people. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n14 February 1930
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe accompanying letter is from my wife. Till now I have been
\nguilty of writing to her without trying to know your opinion. I was keeping up the communication partly in order not to
\nshock or pain her too much and partly with a desire to see that she might also take up the spiritual path some day. What
\nattitude should I keep with respect to her? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tI return the letter, but I leave the necessity of reply or otherwise
\nto your own discretion. To keep any attachment is obviously inconsistent with the Yogic attitude, as also any
\ndesire <\/i>of the
\nkind you express; if she is to enter the spiritual life some day it should be as her own independent destiny and her being your
\nwife is not relevant to it. Detachment is the main thing; if you have that, to write or not to write is a secondary matter.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n12 June 1932 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>729<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

Write to her that permission cannot be given this time. You will also explain to her that she cannot come here (permanently)
\nmerely because she is the wife of a sadhak staying here. All relations of that kind are to cease when one becomes a member
\nof the Asram. It is only if one makes progress in the sadhana and is considered fit for stay in the Asram that permission can
\nbe given. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n18 January 1933
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tNeither the Mother nor Sri Aurobindo are in the habit of holding
\nany correspondence except with the sadhaks and on matters proper to the sadhana. Sri Aurobindo sees no one except at the
\nthree Darshans and speaks with no one. The Mother except at the Darshan times sees only the sadhaks and receives them only
\nor else, but rarely, people who come with a desire for sadhana. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tAs regards X<\/span><\/i> <\/span>
\n<\/p>\n

\nX <\/span> <\/i>chose the Asram life because after several attempts he found that trying to do the sadhana at home was a failure and
\nhe only multiplied ties and obstacles while here he progressed swiftly and was able to live the spiritual life. It is impossible for
\nus to order him to go back permanently or temporarily or to live here in circumstances and conditions which he feels disturbing
\nto his sadhana so long as he himself does not wish it or decide from his own inner determination to go. The sadhana here is
\nnot a mere matter of pranam or darshan; it is a life that has to be lived so that one may always be conscious in the Divine.
\n<\/span>
\n<\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tAs regards X’s family<\/span><\/i>
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nAs for his wife and children they could only have lived here
\nin a separate house and had the expenses met by the family, but this is no longer possible. The difficulty of doing anything more
\narises from the rules and the nature of the Asram life.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n(1) It is a strict rule that husband and wife living in the
\nAsram cannot keep up the old conjugal relations and conjugal life. They either live separately or, if together, which is sometimes
\nbut not often allowed, as sadhak and sadhika only, each turned wholly to the Divine.
\n  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>730<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n\t(2) Children of a tender age, under 10, are not allowed to live in the Asram, they are even not allowed as a rule to enter
\nthe Asram precincts. Even in houses not belonging to the Asram but still in some way connected with it (like the private house of
\nY <\/i>where Z <\/i>is temporarily staying) they are allowed only in very exceptional cases when we are sure that they can accommodate
\nthemselves to the Asram life and atmosphere.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n(3) Children of low age are not admitted first because there
\nis no proper arrangement for them \u2014  either for their food or their upbringing or their education or medical treatment. All is
\narranged with an eye to the life of grown-up sadhaks with limited requirements and no special provision can be made for anyone.
\nThe Asram is not in a position to undertake the responsibility for the maintenance or upbringing of children.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n(4) Children are not admitted for another reason, because it was found when exceptions were made that they could not keep
\ntheir health here and, after one death occurred, the prohibition was made absolute. They are too young and delicate to bear
\nthe atmosphere which is full of a tension of strong forces and, in most cases, their consciousness is too undeveloped for them
\nto receive and profit easily by the supporting and protecting force received here from the Mother by the sadhaks. Faith and
\nresponsiveness are needed and such things cannot be expected from little children unless they have a very exceptional mind
\nand character.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nThe ill-health of the children and the dangerous illness of
\nthe second among them seem to be a clear warning that these children cannot prosper here.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nThe Mother consented with much reluctance to Z <\/i>and her children remaining in a separate house but it was under conditions that have not been fulfilled. It was never contemplated that X <\/i>would live with them or earn his living. That is impossible
\nunless he ceased to be a member of the Asram and this he does not wish to do. The family were very kindly allowed by Mr.
\nY<\/i>
\nto put up in his house, but this was supposed to be only for a short time. If they were to stay here, the Mother does not know
\nwhere to put them or how to keep them. Even if this difficulty   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>731<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

were solved in some way, they would be living in conditions quite unsuitable which they would probably not be able to bear.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nIf Z <\/i>were alone, it would be possible to put her up, but with the children we do not see any way. If she will be persuaded to
\nreturn until at least they have the proper age, that would be the most advisable course. To separate from them and live here as
\nthe other sadhakas of the Asram would be the other alternative, but that, we understand, she is quite unwilling to do.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nIt is not possible for the Asram to modify its rules and character and way of life so as to suit the ideas and ways of living
\nand demands and needs of the ordinary life. The Asram has its own reason of existence which is the spiritual life alone and it
\ncould not do that without losing its object and true character.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nThese considerations are placed before you so that you may
\nknow the position and keep them in view in advising Z<\/i>. For she does not seem to understand them and it is this that has created
\ndifficulties with X<\/i>; he feels that he is being pressed to abandon the spiritual life and that is why he is not at ease in going there.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n21 December 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tAs for your friend, it is not possible to say that she can come here; for that depends on many things which are not clearly present
\nhere. First, one must enter this Path or it must be seen that one is called to it; afterwards there is the question whether one is
\nmeant for the Asram life here. The question about the family duties can be answered in this way
\n\u2014  the family duties exist so
\nlong as one is in the ordinary consciousness of the grihastha; if the call to a spiritual life comes, whether one keeps to them or
\nnot depends partly upon the way of Yoga one follows, partly on one’s own spiritual necessity. There are many who pursue
\ninwardly the spiritual life and keep the family duties, not as social duties but as a field for the practice of karmayoga, others
\nabandon everything to follow the spiritual call alone and they are justified if that is necessary for the Yoga they practise or if
\nthat is the imperative demand of the soul within them.   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>732<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n
\n

\n\t\t\tCorrespondence with Relatives <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI feel that some idea-vibrations of that letter from home are
\nactive still in my memory. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThat is the reason why it is better to drop these things. People who go on corresponding with their people do not feel it as you do, but nevertheless it is a fact that they maintain and
\nenforce vibrations which keep the old forces active in the vital and maintain their impressions in the subconscient.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n22 September 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tGetting letters from relatives often opens the door to problems. Even if the people remain neutral and don’t actually create
\ndifficulties, where is the common point of interest? We write to them about yoga and so forth, but I wonder whether any
\nof that makes any difference to them. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tThat is why we are not in favour of correspondence with relatives etc. outside. There is no point of contact unless one comes out or down to their own level which is obviously undesirable
\nfrom the point of view of Yoga. I don’t think much inspiration can go through letters because their consciousness is not at all
\nprepared. Words can at most touch only the surface of their minds; what is important is something behind the words, but to
\nthat they are not open. If there is already an interest in spiritual things, that is different. Even then it is often better to let people
\nfollow their own groove than pull them into this path. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n17 April 1935
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nWomen in the Ashram <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI have heard from my mother that she is determined to go to
\nyou very soon without seeing to our many grievances. Now we are encumbered with many difficulties which we are unable to
\ndeal with without our mother. Please ask the Mother to tell her to return to us. We will let her go back to the Ashram
\nwithin a year.   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>733<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

The Mother cannot give the advice you call on her to give to X<\/i>. It is your mother’s free choice alone and sense of inner need
\nthat should guide her. No one has a right to interfere with her spiritual progress or pull her back in order to satisfy their own
\nselfish demands. Her children are not infants needing the care of a mother and ought to be able to face by themselves the
\ndifficulties of life \u2014  it is rather now their duty to put her need first and not theirs; for at her age, it is she and not themselves
\nwho should be their first consideration in their dealings with her. She has need of rest to restore her broken health and an
\natmosphere of peace for her soul’s progress. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tI do not think it at all necessary for you to stay any longer with your son. He is now becoming old enough to trace his own path
\nin life \u2014  the more he is independent, the better. You certainly did no wrong in coming here at this time; the opinion of society
\nabout it has no true basis whatever.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nAs for the attitude taken by your husband, it should rather
\nbe a help to you to make your choice decisively and once for all. You can write to him that since he presses, you will not delay
\nlong to make your decision and you will speak to him about it when you return
\n\u2014  unless you feel it will put you more at ease
\nto write now a definite answer. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n14 March 1933
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe need of solitude, of going inward, of getting out of the
\nordinary atmosphere of human life is one of the most natural movements of spiritual life. One who cannot appreciate that
\nmovement, knows nothing about spirituality or Yoga. Your husband’s letters are like the reasonings of the scientists and
\nmen of the world who know nothing about Yoga or spiritual experience; they only pass mental opinions and judgments on it
\nfrom outside. It is not even worth while replying to such things \u2014  they are so far from the realities of the spirit.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nKeep over there your separateness and for all that surrounds you there remain inwardly aloof and untouched
\n\u2014  dealing with
\n  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>734<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n\tit as something external to you which you will soon leave.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n31 March 1933
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n

\nI return your husband’s letters. I do not think we can build
\nmuch on his desire to know about Yoga. He wishes for reasons of a mixed nature to dissuade you from leaving the domestic
\nlife and that is the main thing behind both the criticising and the conciliatory elements in his letters. Your own position is
\nclear and it is what I suppose you have expressed already \u2014 you are sure of your own feeling and purpose and confidence in
\nmy leading, but you see no good in subjecting it to intellectual discussion. Yoga and spirituality rest on the soul’s intuition and
\nthe need of the inner nature, not on the reasoning of the surface intelligence.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\ncirca 1933 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tWomen are not naturally weaker than men, but in society they have not been trained and educated like men to have a strong
\nwill and control over themselves, so when these things [vital<\/i> problems<\/i>] come on them, they do not understand or react so
\neasily against them. But there are men as helpless in these struggles who are subject to the same reactions. Once one is open to
\nthe Divine, women are no less able than men to become strong with the Divine Force and luminous and wise with the Divine
\nLight and Knowledge. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n27 October 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe tendency you speak of, to leave the family and social life for
\nthe spiritual life, has been traditional in India for the last 2000 years and more
\n\u2014  chiefly among men, it touches only a very
\nsmall number of women. It must be remembered that Indian social life has subordinated almost entirely the individual to the
\nfamily. Men and women do not marry according to their free will; their marriages are mostly arranged for them while they
\nare still children. Not only so, but the mould of society has been long of an almost iron fixity putting each individual in his place
\n   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>735<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

and expecting him to conform to it. You speak of issues and a courageous solution, but in this life there are no problems and
\nissues and no call for a solution \u2014  a courageous solution is only possible where there is freedom of the personal will; but where
\nthe only solution (if one remains in this life) is submission to the family will, there can be nothing of that kind. It is a secure
\nlife and can be happy if one accommodates oneself to it and has no unusual aspirations beyond it or is fortunate in one’s
\nenvironment; but it has no remedy for or escape from incompatibilities or any kind of individual frustration; it leaves little
\nroom for initiative or free movement or any individualism. The only outlet for the individual is his inner spiritual or religious life
\n˙  <\/i>  and the recognised escape is the abandonment of the samsara<\/i>,
\nthe family life, by some kind of Sannyasa. The Sannyasi, the Vaishnava Vairagi or the Brahmachari are free; they are dead
\nto the family and can live according to the dictates of the inner spirit. Only if they enter into an order or asram, they have to
\nabide by the rules of the order, but that is their own choice, not a responsibility which has been laid on them without their
\nchoice. Society recognised this door of escape from itself; religion sanctioned the idea that distaste for the social or worldly life was
\na legitimate ground for taking up that of the recluse or religious wanderer. But this was mainly for men; women, except in old
\ntimes among the Buddhists who had their convents and in later times among the Vaishnavas, had little chance of such an escape
\nunless a very strong spiritual impulse drove them which would take no denial. As for the wife and children left behind by the
\nSannyasi, there was little difficulty, for the joint family was there to take up or rather to continue their maintenance.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n

At present what has happened is that the old framework remains, but modern ideas have brought a condition of in
\nadaptation, of unrest, the old family system is breaking up and women are seeking in more numbers the same freedom of escape
\nas men have always had in the past. That would account for the cases you have come across
\n\u2014  but I don’t think the number of
\nsuch cases can be as yet at all considerable, it is quite a new phenomenon; the admission of women to Asrams is itself a novelty.
\n <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>736<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n\tThe extreme unhappiness of a mental and vital growth which
\ndoes not fit in with the surroundings, of marriages imposed that are unsuitable and where there is no meeting-point between
\nhusband and wife, of an environment hostile and intolerant of one’s inner life and on the other hand the innate tendency of
\nthe Indian mind to seek a refuge in the spiritual or religious escape will sufficiently account for the new development. If society wants to prevent it, it must itself change. As to individuals, each case must be judged on its own merits; there is too much
\ncomplexity in the problem and too much variation of nature, position, motives for a general rule.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nI have spoken of the social problem in general terms only. In the conduct of the Asram, we have had many applications
\nobviously dictated by an unwillingness to face the difficulties and responsibilities of life
\n\u2014  naturally ignored or refused by us,
\nbut these have been mostly from men; there have been recently only one or two cases of women. Otherwise women have not
\napplied usually on the ground of an unhappy marriage or difficult environment. Most often married sadhikas have followed
\nor accompanied their husbands on the ground of having already begun to practise Yoga; others have come after fulfilling
\nsufficiently the responsibilities of married life; in two or three cases there has been a separation from the husband but that
\nwas long before their coming here. In some cases there have been no children, in others the children have been left with the
\nfamily. These cases do not really fall in the category of those you mention. Some of the sadhaks have left wife and family behind,
\nbut I do not think in any case the difficulties of life were the motive of their departure. It was rather the idea that they had
\nfelt the call and must leave all to follow it. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n27 June 1937
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nChildren in the Ashram <\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tIn answer to your question about X <\/i>and her children, I may say
\nthat it is best for the children to return, as they are too young and undeveloped to remain here for a very long time. For
\nX <\/i>herself,
\nwhat she needs for the sadhana is to learn to live more inwardly,   <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>737<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

and we think it is better for her to return home with her children at present. If over there she goes inward, feels her relation with
\nus and the need of the inner life becomes imperative, then no obstacles will be able to prevent her coming here again. The
\ndifficulty you have spoken of in the way of her returning is precisely one of those outer considerations which are not of
\nthe first importance. When the thing has to be done, there will always be a way to do it. In so deciding, we are looking entirely at
\nwhat we consider best for her spiritual future. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n16 August 1932
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tAs to the children you must remember what the Mother told you
\nthat they are yet too young for the Power to act directly upon them, it must be through you. That is the reason why you must
\nalways remain quiet and open so that the Mother may work through you, not for you only, but for them also.
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n22 August 1932 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tYou will reply to him that for himself and X <\/i>and Y <\/i>permission can always be given whenever they want to come
\n\u2014  but
\nthe children are too young. It is a rule of the Asram departed from only in rare cases, where there is something exceptional,
\nthat they cannot be admitted inside the Asram before they are 10 years old \u2014  for before that they are too young to bear or
\nassimilate the forces of the atmosphere \u2014  at least under present conditions. When people on
\ntheir own responsibility <\/i>bring children and stay in a house outside the Asram then the Mother allows it, but she takes no responsibility for them and they are
\nnot allowed to come for Darshan or Pranam or even inside the Asram. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n25 January 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIf he comes alone we can accommodate him in the Asram but with his wife and children it will not be possible. The Mother
\nalso does not think it advisable to bring very young children here \u2014  usually the pressure of the forces in the Asram is too strong
\nfor them and there is a danger of their being ill. It is only after  
\n\t\t\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>738<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n\tthe age of 10 that they are allowed (except in very exceptional cases) to enter the Asram at all.
\n\t<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n24 March 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tThe child cannot be brought to the Darshan. Children below 10 years of age are
\nnot allowed at the Darshan or in the Asram \u2014
\nvery rare exceptions are made but not for anyone below 5. So permission can only be given for the adult members. You might
\nwrite explaining this to your nephew. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n2 August 1934
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t    <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tIt is usually unsafe for children to undergo spiritual pressure
\nwhen their minds are not yet ripe \u2014  it often overstimulates certain centres before the Adhar is ripe and there is often a
\ndisturbance or lesion somewhere as the result. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n26 December 1934
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tX<\/span><\/i>, who is sixteen or seventeen, can explain the Mother’s
\nConversations <\/i>and Prayers <\/i>but is ignorant of even elementary mathematics and other subjects which every normal person
\nought to know. Perhaps Ramakrishna would not consider it to be ignorance so long as the person is turned towards the
\nDivine? <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tBut it is an unnecessary ignorance not to know elementary mathematics. To be able to explain Conversations <\/i>and Prayers <\/i>is very good, but I don’t see why it should exclude the other. If one has a
\nrealisation like Ramakrishna, that is another matter altogether. These people who came too young to the Asram like
\nX <\/i>and Y<\/i>
\nrefused because they are not forced as children are at home and in school to learn anything at all except what it pleases them
\nto learn. I consider the result deplorable, the more so because they have a more than ordinary personality and intelligence and
\nought to learn more, not less than other children. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n5 June 1935
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>739<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

I do not think we can accept your friend’s proposal; the conditions would have to be very different before his object could be
\nfulfilled by sending his son here. We are not satisfied with the effect of the Asram life on children. They do not get the society of
\nother children which they need, they associate with their elders and contract the habits of older people which is not to their
\nbenefit. Also they are exposed to ideas and influences which are beyond their age and grow old in mind too quickly, while at the
\nsame time they do not get the discipline, education, preliminary formation of the lower nature which is necessary in the early
\nperiod of life. The life of the Asram has not been formed with a view to these things. If there had been a number of children
\nwith regular arrangements for their education it might have been different, but, as it is, we do not wish to admit children except
\nin some exceptional case. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n4 March 1936
\n<\/font>
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n 
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nRelations with People outside the Ashram <\/b> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tTo give oneself to an outsider is to go out from the atmosphere
\nof sadhana and give oneself to the outer world forces.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\nOne can have a psychic feeling of love for someone, a universal love for all creatures, but one has to give oneself only to the Divine.
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n24 May 1934 <\/font> <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t*<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t  <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\tDo you believe that people here are more sensitive than people outside? Some people think that the Asram is a “rotten” place
\nwith jealousy and hatred rampant among the sadhaks. <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\t\t\t 
\n <\/span> <\/p>\n

\n\tOutside there are just the same things. The Asram is an epitome
\nof the human nature that has to be changed \u2014  but outside people put as much as possible a mask of social manners and other
\npretences over the rottenness \u2014  what Christ called in the case of the Pharisees the “whited sepulchre”. Moreover there one
\ncan pick and choose the people one will associate with while in the narrow limits of the Asram it is not so possible
\n\u2014  contacts are inevitable. Wherever humans are obliged to associate closely, what I saw described the other day as “the astonishing
\n  
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>740<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\nmeannesses and caddishnesses inherent in human nature” come quickly out. I have seen that in Asrams, in political work, in
\nsocial attempts at united living, everywhere in fact where it gets a chance. But when one tries to do Yoga, one cannot fail to see
\nthat in oneself and not only, as most people do, see it in others, and once seen, then? Is it to be got rid of or to be kept? Most
\npeople here seem to want to keep it. Or they say it is too strong for them, they can’t help it!
\n<\/span> <\/p>\n

\n
\n3 April 1938  
\n<\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

\n <\/p>\n

\n
\nPage \u2013 <\/font>741<\/font><\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Human Relations and the Ashram   Right Relations between Sadhaks   The sadhaks of this Asram are not perfect \u2014  they have plenty of weaknesses…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1680","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-35-letters-on-himself-and-the-ashram","wpcat-37-id"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1680","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1680"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1680\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1680"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1680"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1680"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}