{"id":4130,"date":"2013-07-13T01:53:37","date_gmt":"2013-07-13T01:53:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/?p=4130"},"modified":"2013-07-13T01:53:37","modified_gmt":"2013-07-13T01:53:37","slug":"56-marriage-and-children-vol-14-words-of-the-mother-volume-14","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/worksofthemotherandsriaurobindo.org\/index.php\/02-works-of-the-mother\/01-cwmce\/14-words-of-the-mother-volume-14\/56-marriage-and-children-vol-14-words-of-the-mother-volume-14","title":{"rendered":"-56_Marriage-and-Children.htm"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n
\n
\n


\nMarriage and Children <\/span>
\n<\/font><\/i><\/b> <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/p>\n

To unite your physical lives, your material interests, to become
\npartners in order to face together the difficulties and successes, the defeats
\nand victories of life − that is the very foundation of marriage, but you
\nalready know that it is not enough. <\/span><\/p>\n

To be united in your sensations, to have the same aesthetic tastes and
\nenjoyments, to be moved in common by the same things, one through the other and
\none for the other − that is good, that is necessary, but it is not
\nenough. <\/span><\/p>\n

To be one in your deeper feelings, to keep a mutual affection and
\ntenderness that never vary in spite of all the blows of life and can withstand
\nevery weariness and irritation and disappointment, to be always and on every
\noccasion happy, extremely happy, to be together, to find in every circumstance tranquillity<\/span>, peace and joy in each other − that is
\ngood, that is very good, that is indispensable, but it is not enough. <\/span><\/p>\n

To unite your minds, to harmonise<\/span> your
\nthoughts and make them complementary, to share your intellectual preoccupations
\nand discoveries; in short, to make your sphere of mental activity identical
\nthrough a widening and enrichment acquired by both at once − that is
\ngood, that is absolutely necessary, but it is not enough. <\/span><\/p>\n

Beyond all that, in the depths, at the centre, at the summit of the
\nbeing, there is a Supreme Truth of being, an Eternal Light, independent of all
\nthe circumstances of birth, country, environment, education; That is the
\norigin, cause and master of our spiritual development; it is That which gives a
\npermanent direction to our lives; it is That which determines our destinies; it
\nis in the consciousness of That that<\/span> you must unite.
\nTo be one in aspiration and ascension, to move forward at the same pace on the
\nsame spiritual path, that is the secret of a lasting union. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>\u00a0<\/span>March 1933 <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\nPage − 312<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n
\n

<\/span><\/div>\n

It was not at all a selection. I simply said that this girl looked the
\nbest of the three, that is all. In any case, marriage is not a direct way to
\nprepare oneself for sadhana<\/span>. It can be an indirect
\none if the outward nature needs troubles and disappointments to get rid of all
\nworldly attachments, but in that case the experiment usually ends by separation
\nand often a painful one, at least for one of the two associates. That is all I
\ncan tell you on the subject. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n\u00a0<\/span>13 October 1940 <\/span><\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

In reference to the view of some modern
\nsocial thinkers expressing fear of the possible breakdown and disappearance of
\nthe family system, You have remarked that this breakdown \u201cwas, and is still, an
\nindispensable movement to bring humanity to a higher and broader realisation<\/span>”. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

This raises some
\nimportant questions which I state below for Your<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

clarification: <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

1. Do You consider
\nthis dissolution of the family system indispensable only for the few
\nexceptional individuals who follow some high mental or spiritual ideal or also
\nfor the general humanity? <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, only for the
\nfew exceptional individuals who follow some high mental or spiritual ideal. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

2. If You advocate
\na complete dissolution of the family system for the entire humanity, do You
\nconsider it advisable for it to happen even before the new process of birth by
\ndirect materialisation<\/span> has been normalised<\/span>
\non earth? <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

More liberty and
\nplasticity in the system are advisable. Fixed rules are harmful to evolution. <\/span><\/p>\n

\nPage − 313<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n
\n

<\/span><\/div>\n

3. Do You also
\nconsider the abolition of the marriage system as equally indispensable as the
\nabolition of the family system for the higher development of humanity? So long
\nas the new process of birth has not been normalised<\/span>,
\nwould not the present manner of sexual procreation continue? In that case,
\nwould not some form of marriage relationship be necessary? <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>Marriage will always take place, but legal
\nceremonies must not be enforced, to avoid illegality. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/p>\n

4. So long as the
\nnew process of birth has not been normalised<\/span> and the
\nchildren continue to be born through the present sexual process, is not the
\nfamily life and atmosphere best suited to their upbringing, especially in their
\nearly formative years? The other alternative is to provide for their care and
\nupbringing through some other agency, like the State-nurseries, as was
\nadvocated by some Communist thinkers. But this view has not found many
\nsupporters, for it has been realised<\/span> that the tender
\nand affectionate care which the young children need could best be provided only
\nin the intimate atmosphere of the family home by the parents. If this is true,
\nthen for the sake of the young children at least, would not the family be
\nnecessary, until the new method of birth becomes possible and normal in future?
\n<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/p>\n

Here also both
\nthings must be equally admitted and practised<\/span>. There
\nare many cases in which it would be a blessing for the baby to be separated
\nfrom his parents. <\/span><\/p>\n

A minimum of rules. <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

A maximum of freedom. <\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

All possibilities must have equal scope for manifestation, then humanity
\nwill progress more rapidly. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>21 July 1960 <\/span><\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

\nPage − 314<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n
\n

<\/span><\/div>\n

You say that you could not bring up your children properly because
\nalthough you are well-educated and cultured you have no time to spare for them,
\nand that your wife has time but she is uneducated, uncultured, good for
\nnothing. Will you tell me who is responsible for her condition? For more than
\ntwenty-five years she has lived with you. What did you do in these twenty-five
\nyears to educate her or give her your \u201cculture” absolutely − nothing.
\nEven the idea did not occur to you. You never thought that even if you had
\ngiven her one hour daily for her education, it would have made a big difference
\nin twenty-five years. For you she existed only as a machine to look after your
\ncomforts and produce your children. You could not take her into your
\nconfidence, you could not do anything for her improvement, but there you stand
\nwith all your vanity, blaming her for being uneducated and uncultured. <\/span><\/p>\n

I hold you responsible for all her shortcomings.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/p>\n

You want your children to do as you bid. What do you know of Truth? You
\nwant to impose your will because you are stronger. That way a giant can catch
\nhold of you and you will have to do whatever he says. <\/span><\/p>\n

It is a most difficult thing to bring up children. I have not seen many
\nparents who can do the proper thing. <\/span><\/p>\n

What right have you to impose your will on the children, you who have
\nbrought them into the world without giving any serious thought to their
\nproblems or making the necessary preparations? <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/p>\n

Do not beat your children −<\/span><\/p>\n

It clouds your <\/i>consciousness
\nand spoils their <\/i>character. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>16 November
\n1968<\/span><\/i> <\/span><\/p>\n

\nPage − 315<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/font><\/a><\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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