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After long days of silence, entirely occupied by outer work, it is at last given to me to resume these pages and continue with Thee, Lord, this conversation which is so sweet to me.... But Thou hast broken all my habits, for Thou wouldst prepare me for liberation from every mental form. Certain mental forms, more particularly powerful or adapted to the temperament, are sure guides to supreme experiences. But once the experiences are over, Thou wouldst have them free in themselves from bondage to any mental form, however high or pure it may be, so as to be capable of expression in the new, most true form, that is, the one most suitable to the experience. So Thou didst break all my forms of thought, and I found myself before Thee stripped of all mental constructions, as ignorant about this as a new-born child; and in the darkness of this void lay once again the sovereign peace of something which is not expressed in words but which IS. And I wait without impatience and without fear, for Thee to construct once again from the heart of the unfathomable depths the intellectual form which seems to Thee the most suitable for manifesting Thee in this instrument moulded out of surrender and ardent faith. And before this immense night full of promise, I feel, more than I have ever felt before, free and vast, infinitely.... Page - 276 And in a supreme beatitude I offer Thee thanks, O Lord, for the marvellous favour Thou hast bestowed upon me: that of being before Thee like a new-born child. Page - 277
Listen, O Lord... in the silence of deep meditation my prayer rises ardently to Thee. Is it not a great folly to become identified with one form of thought, one mental construction, however vast and powerful it may be, to the point of making it the living centre of one's being, one's experience and activity? Truth is eternally beyond all that we can think or say of it. To endeavour to find the most suitable expression, the one best adapted to this truth, is of course a useful task, even an indispensable one for the integrality of one's own development and that of all humanity; but one must always feel free in front of this expression, have one's centre of consciousness above it, in the reality which, despite the grandeur, the beauty, the perfection of a mental formula, always eludes every formula. The world is not what we think it to be. The importance of the idea we have of it lies in its effect on our attitude towards action; and this attitude may come from a much deeper, truer, more unchanging inspiration than that resulting from a mental construction, however powerful it may be. To feel in oneself the will to express for men the eternal Truth in a completer, higher, more exact form than all those which have preceded it, is good; but on condition that one does not identify one's “self” with this work to the point of being its slave and losing before it all independence and self-control. It is just an activity and nothing more, whatever may be its importance Page - 278 from the earthly point of view; but it must not be forgotten that it is relative like all activities and that we should not allow it to disturb our deep peace and that immutable calm which alone lets the divine forces manifest through us without any deformation. O Lord, my prayer is not formulated, but Thou hearest it. Page - 279
We must know at each moment how to lose everything that we may gain everything; we must be able to shed the past like a dead body that we may be reborn into a greater plenitude.... It is so that the constant aspiration of the inner being expresses itself; turned to Thee, it wants to reflect Thee in an ever purer mirror; and Thy unchanging Beatitude is translated in it into a propelling force of progress of an incomparable intensity; and this force is transformed in the most external being into a calm and assured will which no obstacle can vanquish. O divine Master, with what an ardent love I serve Thee! With what a pure, still and infinite joy I am Thyself in all that is and beyond all existence in form. And the two consciousnesses unite in an unequalled plenitude. Page -280
O Lord, Thou hast given me peace in power, serenity in action, immutable happiness in the heart of all circumstances. Page - 281
It is for the Truth, O Lord, that I implore Thee. Once again make active this mind which fell mute in order to surrender to Thee, give it the knowledge of Thy will. It welcomed and allowed all possibilities to take form in it; then in order to stop the conflict of their contrary tendencies, it closed the door to these unwelcome visitors, saying: “I don't need to live actively, to know what Thy will is, Lord, provided that I can transmit the ray of Thy eternal light without distorting it.” So it was done and the will became submissive, one-pointed, precise and strong. But now Thou wouldst have the mind know, and Thou hast said to it: “Awake and become aware of the Truth.” Then the mind has answered with joy, and now it turns to the resplendent sun of sovereign Truth, calling it to itself in order to manifest it. Thou wouldst break down all barriers, one after another, that the being may take on the integral amplitude of all its possibilities of manifestation. Let all earthly desires come together in me, O Lord, so that Thou mayst consider them, and Thy will be able to work precisely, clearly, definitively upon the smallest detail as upon the whole. Thus the advent of the awaited time will be hastened.... All the being exults in intense joy and unequalled plenitude. Page -282 |