3 April 1962   

After several weeks of grave illness which

threatened the Mother’s life.  

Just between 11:00 and 12:00 last night, I had an experience by which I discovered that there is a group of people − purposely their identity was not revealed to me − who want to create a kind of religion based on the revelation of Sri Aurobindo. But they have taken only the side of power and force, a certain kind of knowledge and all that could be utilised by Asuric forces. There is a big Asuric being that has succeeded in taking the appearance of Sri Aurobindo. There is only an appearance. This appearance of Sri Aurobindo has declared to me that the work I am doing is not his. It has declared that I have been a traitor to him and to his work and has refused to have anything to do with me.

      There is in that group a man whom I must have seen once or twice, who is not with them in spirit, but only in appearance. But he is without knowledge, he does not know what kind of being is there. And he always hopes to make this being accept me, believing it is truly Sri Aurobindo. This being I saw last night. I won’t tell all the details of the vision − it is not necessary. But I must say that I was fully conscious, aware of everything, knowing that an Asuric force was there − but not rejecting it because of the infinity of Sri Aurobindo. I knew that everything is part of him and I do not want to reject anything. I met this being last night three times, even apologised for sins that I have not committed and in full love and surrender. I woke at 12:00, remembering everything. Between 12:15 and 2:00 I was with the true Sri Aurobindo in the fullest and sweetest relation − there also in perfect consciousness, awareness, calm and equanimity. At 2:00 I woke and noted just before that Sri Aurobindo himself had shown me that still he was not completely master of the physical realm.   

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I woke up at 2:00 and noticed that the heart had been affected by the attack of this group that wants to take my life away from this body, because they know that so long as I am in a body upon earth their purpose cannot succeed. Their first attack was many years ago in vision and action. I had it in the night and spoke of it to nobody. I noted down the date, and if I can come out of this crisis, I will find it and give it out. They would have liked me dead years ago. It is they who are responsible for these attacks on my life. Up till now I am alive because the Lord wanted me to be alive, otherwise I would have gone long ago.

      I am no more in my body. I have left it for the Lord to take care of it, to decide if it is to have the Supramental or not. I know and I have said also that now is the last fight. If the purpose for which this body is alive is to be fulfilled, that is to say, the first steps taken towards the Supramental transformation, then it will continue today. This is the Lord’s decision. I am not even asking what he has decided. If the body is incapable of bearing the fight, if it has to be dissolved, then humanity will pass through a critical time. What the Asuric Force that has succeeded in taking the appearance of Sri Aurobindo will create, is a new religion or thought, perhaps cruel and merciless, in the name of the Supramental Realisation. But everybody must know that it is not true, it is not Sri Aurobindo’s teaching, not the truth of his teaching. The truth of Sri Aurobindo is a truth of love and light and mercy. He is good and great and compassionate and Divine. And it is He who will have the final victory.

      Now, individually, if you want to help, you have only to pray. What the Lord wants will be done. Whatever He wills, He will do with this body, which is a poor thing.

Afterwards, when the transcript of this talk was read to the Mother, she commented:

      The fight is within the body. This can’t go on. They must  

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be defeated or this body is defeated. All depends on what the Lord will decide.

      It is the battlefield. How far it can resist, I don’t know. After all, it depends on Him. He knows if the time has come or not, the time for the beginning of the Victory − then the body will survive; if not, in any case, my love and consciousness will be there. 

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 13 April 1962   

EXPERIENCE ON THE NIGHT OF 12 APRIL 1962 

After several weeks of grave illness which

threatened the Mother’s life.  

Suddenly in the night I woke with the full awareness of what we could call the Yoga of the World. The Supreme Love was manifesting through big pulsations, and each pulsation was bringing the world further in its manifestation. It was the formidable pulsations of the eternal stupendous Love, only Love. Each pulsation of the Love was carrying the universe further in its manifestation.

      And there was the certitude that what is to be done is done and that the Supramental Manifestation is realised.

      Everything was impersonal, nothing was individual.

      This was going on and on and on and on.

      The certitude that what is to be done is done.

      All the results of the falsehood had disappeared: death was an illusion, sickness was an illusion, ignorance was an illusion − something that had no reality, no existence. Only Love and Love and Love and Love − immense, formidable, stupendous, carrying everything.

      And how to express it in the world? It was like an impossibility, because of the contradiction. But then it came: “You have accepted that the world should know the Supramental Truth… and it will be expressed totally, integrally.” Yes, yes...

      And the thing is done.  

(Long silence)

      The individual consciousness came back: just the sense of a limitation, a limitation of pain; without that, no individual.  

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      And we set out again on the way, sure of Victory.

      The skies are full of the songs of Victory.

      The Truth alone exists; it alone shall be manifested. Forward !

      Glory to Thee, Lord, Supreme Triumpher !

 (Silence) 

      Now, to the work.

      Patience, endurance, perfect equality, and an absolute faith.  

(Silence)

      What I am saying is nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing but words if I come to the experience.

      And our consciousness is the same, absolutely the same as that of the Lord. There was no difference, no difference.

      We are That, we are That, we are That.  

(Silence)

      Later I shall explain better. The instrument is not yet ready. This is only the beginning.

Afterwards Mother added:

      The experience lasted for at least four hours.

      There are many things which I shall say later.  

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7 September 1963   

DIALOGUE WITH A MATERIALIST

O Death, thou speakest Truth but Truth that slays, I answer to thee with the Truth that saves.

      Sri Aurobindo, Savitri, X, 3

The other day, in dealing with a question of work, I had occasion to explain my position from the standpoint of the materialists’ conviction. I do not know where they stand now, for I do not concern myself with that generally.

      For them, all the experiences that men have are the result of a mental phenomenon − it is that. We have attained a progressive mental development. They would be quite unable to say why or how ! − but in brief, it is Matter that has developed Life, and Life that has developed Mind, and all the so-called spiritual experiences of man are mental constructions − they use other words, but I believe that this is their idea. In any case, it is a negation of all spiritual existence in itself and a negation of a Being or of a Force or of Something higher which governs everything.

      I repeat, I do not know where they stand now, but I was faced with a conviction like that.

      And so I said: “But it is very simple  I accept your point of view. There is nothing else except what we see, humanity as it is, and all the so-called inner phenomena are due to a mental, a cerebral action; and when you die, you die − that is to say, when the phenomenon of agglomeration reaches the end of its life and dissolves, everything dissolves. It is all right.”

      Probably if things had been like that, life would have appeared so disgusting that I would have gone out of it long ago. But I must immediately say that it is not for a moral or even  a spiritual reason that I disapprove of suicide.

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It is for me a cowardice, and there is something in me that does not like cowardice, and therefore I would not… I would never run away from the problem.

      That is point number one.

      And then, once you are here, you ought to go to the end, even if the end is nothingness − you go till the end, and it is better to go in the best way possible, that is to say, the way most satisfactory to you. It happens that I had some philosophical curiosity and studied a little about all these problems. I found myself in the presence of Sri Aurobindo’s teaching, and what he says is for me the most satisfactory of all. What he has taught (I should say revealed, but not to a materialist) is, among the systems formulated by man, by far the most satisfactory for me, the most complete, answering in the most satisfactory way all the questions that can be put, the one that helps me most in life to have the feeling that it is worth something. Therefore I try to conform entirely to what he teaches and to live it integrally in the best possible way to live − best for me. It is all the same to me if others do not believe in it − whether they believe in it or not makes no difference for me. I do not need to be supported by the conviction of others; my own satisfaction is enough. Well, there is nothing more to say.

      The experiment lasted for a long time. In complete detail, to all problems I answered like that. And when I had ended, I told myself, “But this is marvellous as an argument !” Because all the elements of doubt, ignorance, incomprehension, ill-will, negation, all those things that come − immediately they go away with that argument; they are annulled, they have no effect.

      And afterwards, everything was securely grasped, solid.

      What have you got to say ?  

(Silence) 

      It is much easier to reply to materialists who are uncompromising,  

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convinced, sincere (that is to say, sincere within the limits of their consciousness) than to people having a religion − much easier !

      But naturally, from the intellectual point of view, all human convictions have an explanation and a place. There is nothing men have thought which is not the deformation of a truth. The difficulty is not there, but rather in the fact that for religious people there are things which it is their duty to believe and it is a sin to let the mind discuss them − and so they shut themselves up, naturally, and they can never make any progress. Whereas the materialists, on the contrary, are supposed to know everything, explain everything: they explain everything rationally. And thus (Mother laughs) by the very fact that they explain everything, they can be led to wherever one wants to go.

With religious people nothing can be done.

Yes.

      But after all, that also is not good. If they have been clinging to a religion, it is because that religion has helped them in one way or another, it has helped in them precisely something which wanted to have a certitude, not to have to search but to be able to rest on something solid without being responsible for the solidity − somebody else is responsible (Mother laughs) and it goes on like that. It is a lack of compassion to want to pull them out of that − it is better to leave them where they are. I never dispute with someone who has a faith − let him keep his faith! I take care not to tell him anything that might shake his faith, because it would not be good − they are not capable of having another.

      But to a materialist: “I do not dispute, I accept your standpoint; only, you have nothing to say − I have taken my position; you take yours. If you are satisfied with what you have, keep it. If it helps you to live, it is quite all right.  

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       “But you have no right to blame me or criticise me, because it is on your own basis. Even if all that I imagine is simply an imagination, I prefer my imagination to yours.”

      There !  

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24 December 1966  

 TO CHOOSE THE TRUTH 

What is the Truth? What do you mean when you speak of “the Truth”?

You want a mental definition of the Truth. The Truth cannot be expressed in mental terms. Yes, it is so. And all the questions put are mental questions.

      The Truth cannot be formulated, it cannot be defined − it is to be lived.

      And one who is wholly consecrated to the Truth, who wants to live the Truth, serve the Truth, will know at each moment what must be done: it will be a kind of intuition or revelation (most often without words, but sometimes also expressed in words) which will make you know at every minute what is the truth of that minute. And it is this that is so interesting. You want to know “the Truth” as a thing well defined, well classified, well established, and after that you are at rest: there is no need to seek any more! You take it up, you say: “Here, this is the Truth” and then it is fixed. This is what all the religions have done. They have established their truth as a dogma. But it is not the Truth any more.

      The Truth is something living, moving, expressing itself at each second, and it is one way of approaching the Supreme. Each one has his way of approaching the Supreme. There are perhaps some who are able to approach him from all sides at the same time, but there are those who approach through Love, those who approach through Power, those who approach through Consciousness and those who approach through Truth. But each of these aspects is as absolute, imperative and undefinable as the supreme Lord himself is. The supreme Lord is absolute, imperative  

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and undefinable, unseizable in his action, and his attributes have this same quality.

      Once one knows this, he who puts himself at the service of one of these aspects will know (it is expressed in life, in time, in the movement of time), will know at each moment what Truth is, and will know at each moment what Consciousness is, and will know at each minute what Power is, and he will know at each minute what Love is. And it is a multiform Power, Love, Consciousness, Truth that expresses itself innumerably in the manifestation, even as the Lord expresses himself innumerably in the manifestation.  

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