93 – Pain is the touch of our Mother teaching us how to bear and grow in rapture. She has three stages of her schooling, endurance first, next equality of soul, last ecstasy.

 

As far as moral things are concerned, this is absolutely obvious, it is indisputable – all moral suffering moulds your character and leads you straight to ecstasy, when you know how to take it. But when it comes to the body…

It is true that doctors have said that if one can teach the body to bear pain, it becomes more and more resilient and less easily disrupted – this is a concrete result. In the case of people who know how to avoid getting completely upset as soon as they have a pain somewhere, who are able to bear it quietly, to keep their balance, it seems that the body's capacity to bear the disorder without going to pieces increases. This is a great achievement. I have asked myself this question from the purely practical, external standpoint and it seems to be like this. Inwardly, I have been told this many times – told and shown by small experiences – that the body can bear much more than we think, if no fear or anxiety is added to the pain. If we eliminate the mental factor, the body, left to itself, has neither fear nor apprehension nor anxiety about what is going to happen – no anguish – and it can bear a great deal.

The second step is when the body has decided to bear it – you see, it takes the decision to bear it: immediately, the acuteness, what is acute in the pain disappears. I am speaking absolutely materially.

And if you are calm – here, another factor comes in, the need for inner calm – if you have the inner calm, then the pain changes into an almost pleasant sensation – not “pleasant” in the ordinary sense, but an almost comfortable feeling comes. Again, I am speaking purely physically, materially.

And the last stage, when the cells have faith in the divine Presence and in the sovereign divine Will, when they have this trust that all is for the good, then ecstasy comes the cells open, like this, become luminous and ecstatic.

That makes four stages – only three are mentioned here.

The last one is probably not within everyone's reach, but the first three are quite evident – I know it is like that. The only thing that used to worry me was that it was not a purely psychological

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experience and that there was some wear in the body by the fact of enduring suffering. But I have asked doctors and I was told that if the body is taught to bear pain when it is very young, its capacity to endure increases so much that it can really resist disease; that is, the disease does not follow its normal course, it is arrested. That is precious.  

 10 August 1963

 

94 – All renunciation is for a greater joy yet ungrasped. Some renounce for the joy of duty done, some for the joy of peace, some for the joy of God and some for the joy of self-torture, but renounce rather as a passage to the freedom and untroubled rapture beyond.

 

I have rarely had this experience of renunciation – for there to be renunciation, one must be attached to things, and there was always this thirst, this need to go further, to go higher, to feel better, to do better, to have something better. And rather than having a feeling of renunciation one has the feeling that it is a good riddance – you get rid of something cumbersome that weighs you down and hinders your advance. That is what I was saying the other day: we are still everything we no longer want to be and He is everything we want to become – what we call we in our egoistic stupidity is precisely what we do not want to be any more, and we would be so happy to throw all that off, to get rid of all that, so as to be able to be what we want to be.

This is a very living experience.

The only process that I have known, and which has been repeated several times during my life, is the renunciation of an error: something you believe to be true – which probably was true for a time – on which you base part of your action, but which in fact was only an opinion. You thought that it was a true evaluation with all its logical consequences, and your action 

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 – part of your action – was based on that, and it all followed automatically; and suddenly, an experience, a circumstance or an intuition, warns you that your evaluation is not as true as it looked. Then there is a whole period of observation, of study – or sometimes it comes like a revelation, a massive demonstration – and not only the idea or the false knowledge, but all its consequences must be changed – perhaps a whole way of acting on some point. And at that moment there is a kind of sensation, something akin to the sensation of renunciation, which means that you must break up a whole set of things which had been built – sometimes it can be quite extensive, sometimes it is something very small, but the experience is the same: it is the movement of a force, a power that dissolves, and there is resistance from everything which has to be dissolved, from all the past habits; and it is this movement of dissolution, with its corresponding resistance, which is probably expressed in the ordinary human consciousness as a feeling of renunciation.

I saw this very recently – it is insignificant, these circumstances have no importance in themselves; they are interesting only in the context of the study. This is the only phenomenon that is familiar to me because it has been repeated several times in my life. As the being progresses, the power of dissolution increases, becomes more and more immediate and the resistance diminishes. But I have the memory of a period of maximum resistance – it was more than half a century ago and – it was nothing but that, it was always something outside myself – not outside my consciousness, but outside my will – something which resisted the will. I have never had the feeling of having to renounce anything, but I have had the feeling of having to apply pressure on things to dissolve them. Whereas now, more and more, the pressure is imperceptible, it is immediate; as soon as the force to dissolve a whole set of things manifests, there is no resistance, everything dissolves; on the contrary, there is hardly any feeling of liberation – there is something which is amused again and says: “Oh, again! How many times one 

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 limits oneself…” How many times you think that you are advancing, continuously, smoothly, uninterruptedly, and yet how many times you set a little limit in front of yourself. It is not a big limit, for it is a very small thing in an immense whole, but it is a small limit to your action. And so when the Force acts to dissolve the limit, at first you feel liberated, you are glad; but now, it is not even that, it is a smile. Because it is not a feeling of liberation, it is simply like removing a stone from your path so that you can go on.

This idea of renunciation can only arise in a self-centred consciousness. Naturally, people – the ones I call altogether primitive – are attached to things: when they have something, they do not want to let it go! It seems so childish to me!… When they have to part with something, it hurts! Because they identify themselves with the things they have. But this is childishness. The true process behind all this is the amount of resistance in things that were formed on a certain basis of knowledge – which was a knowledge at a particular time and which is no longer so at another – a partial knowledge, not fleeting but impermanent. There is a whole set of things built upon this knowledge and they resist the force that says: “No! it is not true, (laughing) your basis is no longer true, let's take it away!” And then, oh! it hurts – this is what people experience as renunciation.

 

The difficulty is not really to renounce, but to accept (Mother smiles) when we see life as it is now… But then, if we accept, how can we live in the midst of all this and have this “untroubled rapture” – not there, but here?

 

This has been my problem for weeks.

I have come to this conclusion: in principle, it is the consciousness and the union with the Divine that bring rapture – this is the principle – therefore, the consciousness and the union 

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with the Divine, whether in the world as it is or in the construction of a future world, must be the same – in principle. That is what I repeat to myself all the time: How is it that you do not have this rapture?

I have it – when the whole consciousness is centralised in union; at any time, in the midst of anything, with this movement of concentration of the consciousness on union, the rapture comes. But I must say that it disappears when I am working… It is a world – a very chaotic world of work, where I act on everything around me; and necessarily, I am obliged to receive what is around me, so as to be able to act on it. I have reached a state in which all that I receive, even the things that are considered most painful, leave me absolutely calm and indifferent – “indifferent,” not an inactive indifference: without any painful reaction of any kind, absolutely neutral (gesture turned towards the Eternal), with perfect equality. But in this equality there is a precise knowledge of what is to be done, of what is to be said, of what is to be written, of what is to be decided, in short, everything that action entails. All that happens in a state of perfect neutrality, with the sense of Power at the same time: the Power flows, the Power acts, and the neutrality remains – but there is no rapture. I do not have the enthusiasm, the delight, the fullness of action.

And I must say that this rapturous state of consciousness would be dangerous in the present condition of the world. Because it produces reactions that are almost absolute – I see that this state of rapture has a formidable power. But I insist on the word formidable, in the sense that it is intolerant or intolerable – intolerable rather – to everything that is unlike it. It is the same thing or almost – not quite the same, but almost – as the supreme divine Love; the vibration of this ecstasy or rapture is a small beginning of the vibration of divine Love, and that is absolutely – yes, there is no other word for it – intolerant, in the sense that it will not permit the presence of anything that is contrary to it 

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     So it would have frightful consequences for the ordinary consciousness. I see it clearly, because sometimes this Power comes – this Power comes and one has the impression that everything is going to explode. For it can tolerate nothing but union, it can tolerate nothing but the response that accepts, that receives and accepts. And it is not an arbitrary will, it is by the very fact of its existence which is All-Power, “All-Power” not in the sense in which we understand it, but really All-Power. That is to say that it exists entirely, totally, exclusively. It contains everything, but anything that is contrary to its vibration is compelled to change, since nothing can disappear. So this immediate, almost brutal, absolute change, in the world as it is, is a catastrophe.

This is the answer that I have received to my problem.

Because it was that, I was wondering, “Why? I who am…” At any instant all I have to do is this (gesture upwards) and it is… there is nothing left but the Lord, everything is That – but so absolutely that everything which is not That disappears! But at the moment the proportion is such (laughing), that too many things would have to disappear!

I have understood that.  

17 and 24 August 1963

 

95 – Only by perfect renunciation of desire or by perfect satisfaction of desire can the utter embrace of God be experienced, for in both ways the essential precondition is effected, – desire perishes.

 

It is impossible to satisfy desire perfectly – it is something impossible. And also to renounce desire. You renounce one desire and you have another. Therefore both are relatively impossible; what is possible is to enter into a state where there is no desire.

 

(Long silence) 

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It is a pity that I cannot note down all these experiences that come, because these last few days and during a whole period, there has been a very clear perception of the true working which is the expression of the supreme Will translated spontaneously, naturally, automatically through the individual instrument; one might even say – for the mind is quiet, it keeps quiet – through the body; and the perception of the moment when this expression of the divine Will is clouded – distorted – by the introduction of desire, the special vibration of desire, which has a quality all its own and which has many apparent causes: it is not only the thirst for something, the need for something, or the attachment to something; the same vibration can be set in motion, for example, by the fact that the will which is expressed seems to be, or at least is mistaken for, the expression of the supreme Will; but there has been a confusion between the immediate action which was obviously the expression of the supreme Will and the result which should have followed – it is a mistake we very often make. We are in the habit of thinking that when we want something it should come to us, because the vision is too shortsighted too shortsighted – and too limited; instead of having an overall vision which would show us that this particular vibration was necessary to set off a certain number of other vibrations and that it is the totality of all that which will have an effect, which is not the immediate effect of the vibration emitted. I do not know if this is clear, but it is a constant experience.

As a matter of fact, during this period, I have studied and observed this phenomenon: how the vibration of desire is added to the vibration of Will emitted by the Supreme – in our little everyday actions. And with the vision from above, if we take care to maintain the consciousness of this vision from above, we can see how this vibration emitted was exactly the vibration emitted by the Supreme, but instead of obtaining the immediate result expected by the surface consciousness, it was meant to set off a whole series of vibrations and to achieve another, more  

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distant and more complete result. I am not speaking of great things or of actions on a terrestrial scale, I am speaking of the very small things in life: for example, saying to someone, Give me this, and instead of giving it, that someone does not understand and gives something else. So if we do not take care to preserve an overall vision, a certain vibration may occur, for example a vibration of impatience or of dissatisfaction, together with the impression that the vibration from the Lord is not understood and not received. Well, this little added vibration of impatience or, in fact, of not understanding what is happening, this impression of a lack of receptivity or response, is of the same quality as desire – it cannot be called a desire, but it is the same kind of vibration – this is what comes to complicate things. If we have the complete, exact vision, we know that Give me this will produce something other than the immediate result and that this other thing will bring in something else which is exactly what should be. I do not know if I am making myself clear, it is rather complicated! But this gave me the key to the difference in quality between the vibration of Will and the vibration of desire, and at the same time the possibility of eliminating this vibration of desire by a wider and more total vision wider, more total and far – seeing, that is to say, the vision of a greater whole.

I insist on this point, because this eliminates all moral factors. It eliminates this pejorative notion of desire. More and more, the vision is eliminating all notions of good and bad, right and wrong, inferior and superior, and all that. There is only what might almost be called a difference of vibratory quality – “quality” still gives the idea of superiority and inferiority; it is not quality, it is not intensity. I do not know the scientific term they use to distinguish one vibration from another, but that's what it is.

And so what is noteworthy is that the vibration, what one might call the quality of the vibration that comes from the Lord, is constructive – it builds and it is peaceful and luminous; while  

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the other vibration of desire, or any similar vibration, complicates, destroys, confuses and twists things – confuses and distorts them, twists them. And this takes away the light; it produces a greyness, which can be intensified by violent movements into very dark shadows. But even when there is no passion, when passion does not intervene, it is like that. The physical reality has become nothing but a field of vibrations that mingle and unfortunately also clash and conflict with one another; and the clash, the conflict is a climax of this kind of turmoil and disorder and confusion created by certain vibrations which are in fact vibrations of ignorance – because we do not know. They are vibrations of ignorance and they are too small, too narrow, too limited – too short. The problem is no longer perceived from a psychological point of view at all; there are only vibrations.

If we consider it from the psychological point of view… on the mental plane, it is very easy; on the vital plane it is not very difficult; on the physical plane it is a little heavier, for it takes the form of needs; but here too there has been a field of experience these last few days: the study of medical and scientific conceptions of the structure of the body, its needs, what is good or bad for it; and that, reduced to its essence, comes down to the same question of vibrations. It was rather interesting: there was an appearance for all things as they are seen by the ordinary consciousness – are pure appearances – there was an appearance of food-poisoning and it became the object of a special study in order to find out whether there was anything absolute in it or whether the poisoning was relative, that is, based on ignorance and a bad reaction, and on the absence of the true vibration. The conclusion was that it is a question of proportion between the amount, the sum of vibrations that belong to the Lord, and the vibrations that still belong to obscurity; and, depending on the proportion, it takes the form of something concrete and real or of something that can be eliminated, that is, which does not resist the influence of the vibration of Truth. And it was very interesting, for as soon as the consciousness  

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was informed of the cause of the disturbance in the functioning of the body – the consciousness saw where it came from, what it was – immediately, the observation began with the idea, “Let us see what is happening.” First, put the body in a state of perfect rest with the certitude – which is always there – that nothing happens except by the will of the Lord, that the result is also the will of the Lord, and that therefore one should be completely quiet; so the body is completely quiet, untroubled, it is not restless, not vibrating, nothing – completely quiet. And then, to what extent are the effects inevitable? As a certain amount of matter containing an element unfavourable to the elements of the body and to the life of the body has been absorbed, what is the proportion of favourable and unfavourable elements, or of favourable and unfavourable vibrations? Then I saw very clearly that the proportion varies according to the number of body cells under the direct influence, which respond only to the supreme vibration, and the others which still belong to the ordinary way of vibrating. It was very clear, because one could see all the possibilities, from the ordinary mass which is completely upset by this intrusion and in which one has to fight with all the ordinary methods to get rid of the undesirable element, to the total response of the cells to the supreme Force, which means that the intrusion can have no effect. But this is still the dream of tomorrow – we are on the way. And the proportion has become quite favourable – I cannot say all-powerful, far from it – quite favourable, which means that the consequences of the disturbance did not last very long and the damage was, so to say, minimal.

But all the experiences at the moment, one after the other – all the physical experiences of the body – lead to the same conclusion: everything depends on the proportion of elements responding exclusively to the influence of the Supreme, the elements that are half and half, on the way to transformation, and the elements that are still in the old process of vibration of Matter. Their number seems to be diminishing; it seems to be  

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diminishing greatly, but there are still enough of them to produce unpleasant effects or reactions – things that are not transformed, that still belong to ordinary life. But every problem – whether psychological or purely material or chemical – the whole problem comes down to this: they are nothing but vibrations. And there is the perception of this totality of vibrations and the perception of what one might call, very crudely and approximately, the difference between constructive and destructive vibrations. We could say – it is simply a way of putting it – that all vibrations that come from the One and express Oneness are constructive and that all the complications of the ordinary separative consciousness lead to destruction.

 

(Long silence)

 

It is always said that it is desire which creates difficulties, and indeed it is like that. Desire may simply be something added to the vibration of will. The Will – when it is the one Will, the supreme Will expressing itself – is direct, immediate, there are no possible obstacles; and so everything that delays, hinders, causes complication or even failure is necessarily an admixture of desire.

One can see it in everything. For example, take an external field of action, with the external world, external things – of course, to say that it is “external” is simply to put oneself in a false position – but, for example, from the higher consciousness, the Truth — consciousness, you tell someone, “Go”, – I giving one example among millions – “Go and see this person and tell him this in order to obtain that.” If this person is receptive, immobile within and surrendered, then he goes, he sees the person and tells him and the thing is done – without any complication whatever, like that. If this person has an active mental consciousness, if he does not have total faith, if he has all the mixture of everything brought in by ego and ignorance, he sees difficulties, he sees problems to be solved, he sees all the 

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complications – and of course, all this happens. And so according to the proportion – everything is always a question of proportion – according to the proportion, it creates complications, it takes time, the thing is delayed or even worse, it is distorted, it does not happen exactly as it should, it is changed, diminished, distorted or in the end it is not done at all – there are many, many degrees, but all that belongs to the domain of complications – mental complications – and desire. Whereas the other way is immediate. There are countless examples of these cases – of all cases – and also of the immediate case. Then people tell you: “Oh, you have performed a miracle!” – no miracle has been performed: that is how it should always be. It is because the intermediary did not add himself to the action.

I do not know if this is clear, but anyway…

So this ranges from the smallest thing to an action on the terrestrial scale. There are examples, in terrestrial action, of things that have been done in this way – if there is a good intermediary. Nobody understood how it was done, why it was done – like that, very, very simply, everything turned out well. And in other cases, to get a visa or a permit one has to move mountains. So, from the smallest thing, the smallest physical indisposition to a worldwide action, it is all the same principle, everything comes to the same principle.  

4 November 1963 

 

96 – Experience in thy soul the truth of the Scripture; afterwards, if thou wilt, reason and state thy experience intellectually and even then distrust thy statement; but distrust never thy experience.

 

This doesn't require any explanation.

That is to say, it should be explained to children that the statement, whatever it may be, the Scriptures, whatever they may be, are always a diminution of the experience, they are 

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always less than the experience.

There may be people who need to know this.

 

97 – When thou affirmest thy soul-experience and deniest the different soul-experience of another, know that God is making a fool of thee. Dost thou not hear His self-delighted laughter behind thy soul's curtains?

 

Oh, it's delightful!

One can only smile and say, “Never doubt your experience, for your experience is the truth of your being, but do not imagine that it is a universal truth; and never on the basis of this truth deny the truth of others, because for each one, his experience is the truth of his being. And a total truth would only be the totality of all these individual truths… plus the experience of the Lord Himself!”

 

98 – Revelation is the direct sight, the direct hearing or the inspired memory of Truth, drsti ,sruti, smrti; it is the highest experience and always accessible to renewed experience. Not because God spoke it, but because the soul saw it, is the word of the Scriptures our supreme authority.

 

I assume that this is an answer to the Biblical belief in the “Commandments of God” received by Moses, supposedly uttered by the Lord Himself and heard by Moses – it is an indirect way of saying (Mother laughs) that this is not possible.

“Our supreme authority”… “because the soul saw it” – but it can only be a supreme authority for the soul that saw it, not for every soul. For the soul that had this experience and saw, it is the supreme authority, but not for the others.

This was one of the things which used to make me think 

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 when I was a small child: these ten Commandments, which are besides extraordinarily commonplace. Love thy father and thy mother… Do not kill… It is revoltingly commonplace. And Moses went up Mount Sinai to hear that!

Now, I do not know whether Sri Aurobindo was thinking of the Indian Scriptures… There were also Chinese Scriptures…          

 

(Silence)

 

More and more my experience is that revelation – it does come – revelation may be universally applicable, but it is always personal in form, always personal.

It is as if one had an angle of vision of the Truth. It is necessarily, necessarily an angle, from the very moment it is put into words.

You have a wordless, thoughtless experience of a kind of vibration which gives you a feeling of absolute truth and then, if you remain very still, without seeking to know anything, after some time it is as if the vibration were passing through a filter and it is translated as a kind of idea. Then this idea – it is still rather hazy, that is, very general – if you continue to keep very still, attentive and silent, this idea passes through another filter, and then a kind of condensation occurs, like drops, and it turns into words.

But then, when you have had the experience very sincerely – that is, when you are not fooling yourself – it is necessarily only one point, one way of saying the thing, that's all. And it cannot be more than that. Besides, it is very easy to observe that when you are in the habit of using a particular language, it comes in that language; for me it always comes either in English or in French, it does not come in Chinese or in Japanese! The words are inevitably English or French; and sometimes there is a Sanskrit word – but that is because, physically, I learnt Sanskrit. I have occasionally heard – not physically – Sanskrit pronounced by another being; but it does not crystallise,  

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it remains nebulous; and when I come back to an entirely material consciousness, I remember a vague sound, not a precise word. Therefore, it is always an individual angle from the very moment it is formulated.

You must have a kind of very austere sincerity. You are seized with enthusiasm, because the experience brings an extraordinary power: the Power is there – it is there, before the words, and it diminishes with the words – but the Power is there and with this Power you feel very universal, you have the feeling: “It is a universal revelation” – yes, it is a universal revelation, but when you put it into words, it is no longer universal; then it is relevant only for minds that are built to understand this way of speaking. The Force is behind, but you have to go beyond the words.

 

(Silence)

 

Things of this sort come to me more and more often and I jot them down on a piece of paper. It is always the same process, always. First of all, a kind of explosion, an explosion of truth-power – it is like a great, white fireworks display (Mother smiles), much more than a fireworks display! And it spins round and round (gesture above the head), it churns and churns; then there is the impression of an idea but the idea is lower, it is like a covering; the idea contains its own sensation, it also brings a sensation the sensation was there before, but without the idea, and so the sensation could not be defined. There is only one thing, it is always an explosion of luminous Power. And then, afterwards, if you look at it and remain very quiet – the head, especially, should keep quiet – everything becomes silent (motionless, upward gesture), then suddenly someone speaks inside the head someone speaks. It is this explosion speaking. Then I take a pencil and paper and I write. But between what speaks and what writes there is still a little space to be crossed, so that when it is written down something  

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up there is not satisfied. So I remain quiet a little longer – “No, not that word, this one” – sometimes it takes two days to become quite final. But those who are satisfied with the power of the experience make short work of this, and send out into the world sensational revelations that are distortions of the Truth.

You must be very steady, very quiet, very critical – especially very quiet, silent, silent, silent, without trying to seize hold of the experience – “Oh! What is it, what is it?” – that spoils everything. But watch – watch very closely. In the words there is something left, something that remains of the original vibration so little! But there is something, something that makes you smile, that is pleasant, like a sparkling wine, and here (Mother indicates a word or a passage in an imaginary note), here it is dull. Then you look with your knowledge of the language, or with your sense of word-rhythm: Look, there's a pebble. You must remove the pebble; and then you wait and suddenly it comes, plop! it falls into place: the right word. If you are patient, after a day or two, it becomes absolutely accurate.  

5 February 1964

 

99 – The word of Scripture is infallible; it is in the interpretation the heart and reason put upon the Scirpture that error has her portion.

 

I am not quite sure that this is not ironical… To people who say The Scripture is infallible, he answers: Yes, yes, of course the Scriptures are infallible, but beware of your own understanding!

But here is the word of truth:

 

100 – Shun all lowness, narrowness and shallowness in religious thought and experience. Be wider than the widest horizons, be loftier than highest Kanchanjungha, be profounder than the deepest oceans.

5 February 1964 

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